Thursday, January 14, 2016

facing the inevitable

mortality is something that most of us ignore. wholeheartedly. if we didn't the sheer size and weight of it would crush us. so instead we daily go about our lives recognizing that yes we are mortal, but that ultimately it's not as pressing as "that" email or "this" phone call.

we have to.

until we don't.

I got some news. something concerning someone for whom i have complex relations with. I will admit that my first feeling was unexpected. I was frustrated. Not sad or angry, just frustrated at being asked to participate in something that I really do not want any part of. I very passively made a choice several years ago, for my own sanity, to ignore that part of my life.

I thought I would just be able to ignore it for the rest of my life. But I can't. It is still very much around, and now there is the possiblity that it could linger or be extinguished very quickly.

I'm not sure if I have lingering feelings or even if I understand what I should do. Only that I now have to face what I knew I would have to, but never wanted to.