Saturday, December 31, 2005
Thursday, November 03, 2005
I have prided myself on trying so damned hard not being part of the main-stream, simply because I have never been considered, nor could ever really be accepted as part of the american mainstream...regardless, what I mean to say is that I'm getting swept up in the whole shebang just as much as the next person.
Sure I couldn't be happier that lewis "scotter" libby has been indicted.(although we'll have to have a discussion why a grown man would insist on being called "scooter") And I should be doing backflips about the fact that the republican party is in a backslide...and believe me I'm chuffed... but what I can't escape is this purely San Franciscian mind-set of "its too expensive to live here-syndrome"
At this rate all the radicals will be chased out, and we'll be left with Sans Colored-Folk-isco. its depressing. what was once a town where "people" lived is quickly becoming a sanitized version of itself. I miss the Market/Polk street night-time strip of hookers, trannies, pushers and pimps. I miss the fact that on the weekend the city belonged to the working class folk who had to stay nearby to where they worked simply because they didn't have transportation.
its not the same now. I want it all back. but I can't have it. I've been looking into buying a home. That once was a possibilty...maybe for my mother, but most certianly NOT for me. There is no chance in hell that this market will ever slow down, there is simply only so much you can build on in a 7x7 square mile area. What is really killing me is the fact that I might be forced to move to surburbia simply because its what I can afford, not because I want to escape the vaguaries of the city. I love the dingy-ness, the reality, the general slime that is san francisco (although that is quickly depeleting as well.)
Another thing...(and I know that I've ranted about this before, but your fault for reading) The median income in san francisco to qualify for Assistance for a first time home buyer is approximately $113k a year. Can you believe that bullshit?
its enough to make a girl scream. And the worst part about it, I shouldn't even be thinking about this bullshit. but I am because someone somewhere put this damned bug in my ear about buying a home and somehow it's managed to get stuck. There isn't much that I can do now but pine. or whine..or both.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
“My son in high school last year, trying to go to the prom, he said, ‘Dad, I ain’t got nobody to take to the prom because all the girls in my class are gay. And ain’t but two of them straight and both of them ugly.” — July 3
And he goes on to talk about..."women fallin' down on one another, strappin somethin on...Anytime you gotta slap some grease on your behind....You Butt ain't made for dat!"
Good god. I'm crying so hard it hurts.
Friday, September 30, 2005
it's unbelieveable. these past two weeks have been just that - strangely unreal. It seems like I can't break through the 2 year celing. I'm not really mad, but I still wanted to be the one to say "Fuck you" and then walk off in a huff, rather than it being the other way around. I know tht its hypocritical to say all of this considering that I have been looking for work since this past friday (last week) and that I've got interviews lined up, but its still something that kinda hurts.
you feel slighted. like the ugly one in high-school again. like no one likes you, or that maybe you've done something to make the popular kids turn against you.
and it sucks.
Don't ever let anyone tell you that they're okay after they just get laid off/fired/let go. It still hurts. It won't ever not hurt. I'm beginning to get convinced that maybe this isn't the profession for me. I've got shell shock now from all of the blows that keep coming my way. Every 3 months I get scared...I back everything up. Print all that I can out. Take immediate stock of all of the items that are within my reach that aren't nailed down...every time. And it always seems to happen right about the time that I get complacent. I get comfortable. It has never failed. Every time.
Its not that I liked the job. I couldn't stand it. It is soul crushing. It was daily torture, and with retrospect I'll be happy for the time and opportunity to go back to school that it gave me. Yet in the grander scheme of it all - this was a huge back-step and an emotional slap down that didn't need to happen. Now that I think of it...when I took this job I had another one lined up as well. They were ready to make an offer to me...its just that this job got to me first.
I want to cry, but I cant. There isn't anything to cry about. I think... No, I know that the ONLY thing that I'll miss are my co-workers. A great lot of people. They are what sustained me and made it bearable to go into that hell. Funny and caring...they were friends. and its rare that I get the opportunity to say that about an office.
fuck. now what.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
We are now faced with the fact that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked and dejected with a lost opportunity. The “tide in the affairs of men” does not remain at the flood; it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is deaf to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residue of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words: “Too late.”
- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. April 4th,1976 Address to the Riverside Congregation, NYC.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
As New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin pleaded on national television for firefighters - his own are exhausted after working around the clock for a week - a battalion of highly trained men and women sat idle Sunday in a muggy Sheraton Hotel conference room in Atlanta.taken from the Salt Lake City Tribune
Many of the firefighters, assembled from Utah and throughout the United States by the Federal Emergency Management Agency, thought they were going to be deployed as emergency workers.
Instead, they have learned they are going to be community-relations officers for FEMA, shuffled throughout the Gulf Coast region to disseminate fliers and a phone number: 1-800-621-FEMA......"They've got people here who are search-and-rescue certified, paramedics, haz-mat certified," said a Texas firefighter. "We're sitting in here having a sexual-harassment class while there are still [victims] in Louisiana who haven't been contacted yet.".....Firefighters say they want to brave the heat, the debris-littered roads, the poisonous cottonmouth snakes and fire ants and travel into pockets of Louisiana where many people have yet to receive emergency aid.
But as specific orders began arriving to the firefighters in Atlanta, a team of 50 Monday morning quickly was ushered onto a flight headed for Louisiana. The crew's first assignment: to stand beside President Bush as he tours devastated areas.
what in the hell...
I have only one word. disgraceful.
What makes this worse:
Taken from Katrina Blog on MSNBC.Com
As noted here two days ago, the Federal Emergency Management Agency’s decision to ask evacuees to call (800) 621-3362 or browse to www.fema.gov to start the process of filing a claim for disaster assistance.... It turns out, according to the [American Red Cross] worker, who like the other aid workers spoke on condition of anonymity, that the call to the FEMA number does not open a claim; it results in a package containing the claim form being mailed to the address of the evacuee.
Since the evacuee is in a shelter, mail service has been suspended in many of the hardest hit areas and some of the homes are likely still under water, it seems clear that those claim forms won’t be mailed back any time soon.
Acorn is : Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, is the nation's largest community organization of low- and moderate-income families, working together for social justice and stronger communities
A Network for Good includes a list of other local organziations who could use your help
And even more info from The Blogsphere: The Fug Ladies...
p.s. all family accounted for...its been a long week. My faith in humanity is renewed, and we shall all pull through this.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
"Just days before "Southern Decadence", an annual homosexual celebration attracting tens of thousands of people to the French Quarters section of New Orleans, an act of God destroys the city."
okay... I'd almost believe it, if it weren't already the fact that that god has had it out for san francisco for the longest time, if not longer, and we're still here.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
* Reagan was old and amiable; Bush is young, vigorous, and has a smirk in reserve.
* Both Carter and Bush 41 were one-term, rookie presidents with no clear plan to gain disfavor and who had to rely entirely on external events going south. Bush 43's chances don't depend on luck: He has a proven strategy to fail at home and abroad.
* Nixon had to achieve his disapproval ratings almost entirely through scandal, with little help from the economy or world events. The Bush White House is much more versatile: They won't let scandal distract them from screwing up foreign and domestic policy. Already, 62 percent of Americans believe the country is going in the wrong direction—the highest level in a decade—even before the Bush scandals have begun to take a toll.
* Truman might seem tough to beat, because Bush has no popular generals to fire. But Truman had several historic achievements under his belt that kept his unpopularity down, such as winning World War II and presiding over the postwar boom. Bush's record is free of any such ballast. In a pinch, the Bush camp can also make a good case that polling on Truman was notoriously unreliable, and that Bush deserves a share of the modern-day record if he reaches Nixon's level.
good to know that we're headed to the bottom at a historically unkown pace.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Taken from the Guardian.
"If you want to know what London was like in 1905, come to Washington in 2005. Imperial gravitas and massive self-importance. That sense of being the centre of the world, and of needing to know what happens in every corner of the world because you might be called on - or at least feel called upon - to intervene there. Hyperpower. Top dog. And yet, gnawing away beneath the surface, the nagging fear that your global supremacy is not half so secure as you would wish."
The article goes on to talk about the historical similarities between the British empire of the Belle Epoch (and the Boer War) and the Modern Day American tentacle-ized military machine(and our current conflict in the middle East). Its as my grand pappy always said,
"if you don't know about where you been, then you'll have to do it again yourself."or rather more eloquently put bySantayana:
Strange how your grandparents tend to be more right than you want to give them credit for.
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemed to repeat it."
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Its more than a little scary. Which one is supposed to be the bastion of coture, fashion and all that is hip?
Paris Hilton, (or what I like to refer to as the denegration of all that the enlightened people of the world thought was beautiful.) is supposed to be the one we are to emulate, right? Or has this strange doppleganger finally revealed the truth about her untimely demise?
I've seen this movie, 'Party Monster' and it is an interesting tale of a normal kid, (from Ohio, or some other 'normal' state)who gets sucked into the New York Club Kid culture of the late 90's, goes to parties, does the drugs du-jour, contracts AIDS (i think), and inveitably kills the dealer.
If this should be the inevitable outcome of our lovely ms. hilton... well, I'm wondering if they'll sell tickets to that show. I'd want to be in the first row.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
just looking at it makes me feel serene...
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
I've finished my classes for the seimester and am using the time that I have to enjoy something that I haven't in awhile.
The absence of electronic noise.
no electricity, no cell phones, no laptops, nothing requiring a battery. (except my car)
I forget from time to time how much I am plugged in and am so engulfed with living in a virtual world that I need to be reminded of why and how I AM supposed to live. So Off I go - to the wilderness. To be 'one' with nature, and to shit in the woods like a real woman. Don't worry kiddies, I should be back in about a weeks time... not that I've been updating this page a lot lately anyhow.
I'll have lots and lots of new pictures and stories to tell. I'll be certian to keep them all in order, and on point. (I'm going to go buy a moleskein today!)
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
For years, political insiders in the Lone Star State have whispered about Rove’s close friendship with lobbyist Karen Johnson, a never-married, forty-something GOP loyalist from Austin, Texas. The two first became close when Johnson sat on the board of then-Governor George W. Bush’s Business Council over a decade ago. Their friendship reportedly deepened after Bush appointed Johnson—a little-known spokesperson for the Texas Good Roads Association—to a seat on his Transportation Department transition team in 2000. The plum appointment enabled Johnson’s lobbying firm, Infrastructure Solutions, to snare such high-paying clients as Aetna and the City of Laredo. Sources say Johnson now frequently travels between Washington D.C. and Austin, where she frequently appears at Rove’s side at parties and unofficial functions.
Although there is no evidence that their relationship is anything but professional, the close association between the married White House aide and the comely lobbyist has long raised eyebrows in conservative Texas circles. Asked about the pair, a prominent political journalist who has written extensively about Rove says, “I’ve heard the stories, but I would never write about Karl and Karen. If you want to keep your job as a reporter in Texas, you make believe you don’t see them together.”
Asked to comment on Rove’s relationship with Johnson, a White House spokesman firmly declined to discuss the matter, saying that their relationship was “the business of these two individuals who have personal lives…I don’t think that’s something that the White House should comment on.”
Right wing moral supereriority my ass!
(taken from radar.com)
Have we all lost our minds? It's looking more and more like it every day.
(image via gawker.com)
Thursday, July 21, 2005
- oh yeah, I remember now. It could be that no one wants to contribute until it's too late. In the past 3 days I've gotten over 400 e-mails.
400 - fussy- detail-oriented-bitchy-johhny-come-late-fu*&#$ing e-mails.
I wish that I were joking. But I'm not. I'm supposed to be taking this class for my own edification. To learn the principles on how to be a good project manager, but I find that all I want to do lately is squeeze the last raspy, gasping breath out of my effing "team"-mates.
I never did play well with others. Now I'm getting an inkling as to why.
everyone else is stupid.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Turns out that this stuff has come into my cross hairs. The fact that I have been considering quitting, well that has since changed. There has been alot that has forced me to take re-stock of who and what I am doing.
- it happens to everyone. The fact that the proletariat revolution feels like its never going to come... the fact that we all work our collective asses into the ground, and as a result the new monied classes have nothing more to do than to ride our broken backs all the way to the bank.
The last time it was this bad there was a movement. There was a new enlightenment. There was REVOLUTION!
So what's different?
The setting is right; we are in a strange war with an undefined purpose and no set ending date, we have the greatest disparity amoungst the socio-economic classes in the past 40 years, we have collective rage, we have the highest ratio of secondary educated individuals on the market but no jobs for them.
I don't know about you, but all the lying and stealing and the curroptness... how can it do nothing more but feed into itself. Now the president will announce an new Neo-
But the thing that kills me, is that it's going to work. I can see it happening (just like it happens a million times before) he'll make a primetime announcement (what say like his 30th in the whole fucking 6 years he's been in office) about the new potential pigeon for the seat... and it'll So positively contreversial to at least one liberal group...that it'll divert all the attention away from what's really going on....
we've been had.
Neo-con or neo-nazi... seems the same to me.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
although there are many a day that makes you want to do that out of pure frustration.
sorry about that again.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
I feel an addiction coming on.....Tell me that an entire list of found, un-labeled pictures at your disposal just to try and name or create subplots and ideas about...
oh god it's really so beautiful it hurts.
There is the wonderful voyerstic peeping tom inside that make me bubble over with joy...just at all of these semi-stolen moments in time.
some other favorites...all SFW (safe for work) but not all make complete sense
1. toilet love?
2. equestrian bondage-a-go-go
3. a little too excited about going to the prom with Grandma
5. West-SIIIIDE - OG
6. breakfast of champions
7. I'm going to eat this guy, if I have to take another photo
8. sleepy snacktime
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Taken from MSNBC / who in turn took it from Reuters:
BERLIN - A German city is rushing to install a series of drive-in wooden “sex huts” in time for next year’s soccer World Cup and an expected boom in the local sex trade, a city official said on Wednesday.I my logical minds tells me that this is a sensible thing to do. More men, so more "discreet" locations to get your freak on. But I suppose that all of the purtianical mind washing that I have been getting over the years makes it difficult for me to comprehend of the actual numbers of extra horny men who can't wait to get into a hotel, or use their cars....
Dortmund, one of 12 cities to host World Cup matches, is anxious to keep prostitutes and their clients off the streets by providing them with discreet places to do business... “Men have to get used to them of course, but a high percentage accept them because they can protect their anonymity,” the official said. “That said there will always be those who want to go behind a bush, under a bridge or into the woods.”
I just thought that it was a lovely solution to a human desire that we all do eventually fall prey to.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Oh how I do love engrish.com. And it makes me so happy to see that they are keepin it real! and keep on going.
But to know that they are keeping on with just faith? Isn't this the very thing that these lovely condoms are supposed to be preventing? That morning after prayer when the condom breaks and you are on your knees re-finding your religion and praying to god for help?
I dunno. I'm a confused by the marketing here. We could be keeping on faith, maybe that's not the point...But you gotta give it to the Japanese. Even they Recognize! And show Respect! Because there is something to be said about the power of BLACK!
But too bad that everyone is Brack...instead of Black, since it's obvious from the box, that its the Black people who are gettin it the most, and who are obviously the coolest.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
I have fallen prey to it.
Lord forgive me.
I know that I have fallen off the righteous path and have followed the devil into Nordstrom's. I have sipped his fine ambrosia of moccahinos and raspberry-orange-mango-jamba-buzzes. Forgive me lord, I was entranced away from the saintly and honorable small businesses. I did not mean to forsake my brother and become a denizen of the hellish trans-national corporations. Their words were sweet, and their pastriess were tempting, and I became their lifeless willing slave. But NO MORE!
We are radically depoliticized in this culture...We don't think the things on the shelves come from anywhere. We don't have a labor history, a resources history. I close my eyes and try to think about what that really means, about walking into a store in San Francisco Center and picking up a pretty spaghetti-strap tank top or a scented candle. All most people think about are the stories that will be created after they walk out with their purchase.And another inspirational quote from the great Reverend:
Power wants the powerless to stay nice and polite, of course. But we are Americans. The British Empire in the 1770's was outrageously hypnotic, the King and the Queen came straight from God with their massive ships and miles of red coats and bayonets. Can you imagine? How would you oppose that? Transnational corporate marketing is now the empire on which the sun never sets, and it isn't a nation, it is a biosphere of advertising and greenhouse gasses. It is world-wide, but it is whispering in our ear, doing a great job of imitating our most private thoughts; it tells us we are almost happy; but we're one purchase short of heaven. Shop a bit more.
I think that I shall join his choir, and become a true beliver in the faith of "stop shopping!"
join me brothers and sisters... stop shopping.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
make sense? good. It doesn't to "me" or me either.
I suppose that this train of thought came up because I'm seeing this strange deliberate manifestation of adulthood come over me and my friends. Its something that I've been unable to deal with simply because I've had the luxury of saying "I'm recovering" or "I'm out of work" or "I'm in school" I've used so many excuses lately that I think that I'm running on repeat. Regardless its happening. And lately it feels like it's been picking up speed. Another engagement, a new baby, another wedding. I had just gotten used to the "I've finally got a steady...(enter sex appropriate reference)" and the 9-5 stuff. Now the actual business of being an adult, dealing with death, car insurance, life insurance and "planning for a future" have become a recurrent theme in the day-to-day.
Now don't get me wrong. This is not a Bad thing per se. It's just odd 'cause I never expected this to happen. Do you remember when you were say like 8 years old and the concept of being 28 to 30-ish was about as fantastic as flying cars? I do. For some insane reason I could never see myself older than 25. Now that 25 has come and gone, I'm wondering really what that little 8 year old saw in me. I wonder if she'd be happy with the result? Or if she'd still be as confused about being herself as she is to this day. I should stop harping on this same thread of "oh poor confused mulatto girl." but its been such a good line for me for so long.
Anyway. The point. The reason why I decided I needed to update the entries. 1. to apologize severly for that poor example of writing. 2. to explain taht I am not a flake and 3. to say i saw my friends in confusion and combat Dave & Allison today IN the Carnivale parade. ( I looked through my pictures, and I got a great shot of Allison's booty.)
Yay for Latin co-option of Catholic traditions!
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
part of me really wants to go backto school full time...so I can at least have the summers off to let my brain rot out. (You know that feeling about early August, when the only thing going through your mind is 'duh' on repeat) But I'm not sure if that's feasable right now.
I had this great discussion the other day about "the meaning of life..." His immediate response was "42!" we laughed about it, and talked some more...specificaly on the "what in the hell am I doing" vein and eventually came to the conclusion that we had no idea. None whatsoever. I'm not sure if that's reassuring or scary.
Anyway... Onto Other things. I was filling up my ipod, and realized that I hadn't listened to Jill Scott in so long... got really into it again. Both albums. I'm more than a little jealous, to be honest. I watched an interview with her and Tavist Smiley...and well her explination of her cover, and of why she was doing what she did...damn I'm jealous. No to be honest...more like Damn I'm gutless. I was never one for sticking my head out of the door and being willing to get it chopped off. 'cause its the point to glory and fame, you have to be willing to take the risks...and having watched as others around me have tried and failed miserably (nay horribly zepplein-like failure) I'm a little scarred. As you can imagine.
...someday I'll tell you about it.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
This is supposed to be "me" time... when I do what I want for the spare 15 minutes before I drag my ass up stairs and pass out... and what do I do? I go on-line and look at other blogs.
and then I come across this one: http://moviesandmore.typepad.com/ found it really interesting...that and the fact that they to have a love/hate relationship with all things that make modern life great and awful at the same time.
if I had guts....I'd take heroin.... 'cause its gotta be better than this.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Essentially this was another attempt to try and cash in on my fame on the "internets"...even though I know that I am the only one who reads my own stuff. (and occasionally I might get a comment from a passer-by) Irrespective of that, and my infinite patience with the internet to come round and realize my greatness...(i won't be holding my breath on that one) I've decided that it couldn't hurt to try, and I really like google...and so then the decision really became a 'why not?'
so there you have it.
i'm probably also going to start to fiddle with the layout a bit more too...possibly. I've been considering taking a flash course so that I can finally realize my dream of having my own personal URL....with nifty flash pages and everything. Speaking of Cool sh*t...you'll want to check out tokyo plastic.com . All I can say's is god damned their stuff is cool!!! especially make sure that you watch the Drum machine...freakin awesome. (you can see it though the main menu)
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
I blame the lack of sleep...that and possibly the warm weather. Regardless I managed to get horribly sunburned on my chest, arms and back. So badly in fact that I didn't really sleep at night - it hurt too damned much to stay in one place. For some reason no amount of pain-killers seemed to do the trick either... and tossing didn't help. Anyway for your amusement I've attached a photo here... (courtesy of my Flickr.com account...which I would suggest that you get when you get the chance...since it's free) The really good one of me looking really pathetic has majically managed to become curropted so I don't have it to share.
Its an odd pic I'll admit... but you have to recognize that I am not normally so stupid as to burn myself intentionally. Anway... did have a good time, got the chance to brush up on some spanish... and learn new and interesting ways to embarass myself in a foreign country...so all in all it was a good time.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
anyway the point is that I'm always dismayed by the difference between my "Gross" Salary ( i guess gross to my employer because they think it's horrible to pay a little fuzzy haired, red-headed stepchild like myself....) and my "Net" salary (again i suppose the only stuff that I could actually catch with my flimzy electronic 'net' of information.
anyway...took nearly 1/2 of the salary. always a bummer.
truthfully this post was more for my friend "big" dave.... I didn't see any comment on this blog...are you sure it was me?
anyway... have fun kids...'cause I sure aint.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
I'm really praying that they grant the kid emacipation when she's able to walk and talk on his/her own. Then maybe s/he will have a half decent chance at being a 'normal' human...instead of oily/slutty- spawn
Friday, April 01, 2005
From the website Think Geek:
"Now your iPod® can get some action and do direct data transfers at the same time! Here's how it works. Simply apply a dab of the included iLube© onto the dock connector of your iPod® and slip it into one end of the iCopulate's™ latex sleeve. Find another consenting iPod® in the vicinity and deftly insert it into the opposite end of the sleeve."
Uh. Yeah. I didn't think it could be done, but it was. Geeking out, just got even dirtier than I ever expected. This is "just" this side of PG- Shouldn't-be-seen-outside-of-the-home, and a little more than "Mommy! I need my mommy!" Of course everybody knows that most geeks have got the market cornered on online prOn, so therefore this should be a surprize. Nor should there be any head-scratching on P2P methods for music. But I just never thought that anyone would find a way to so oddly fuse them together. You know the kicker? it's the pink latex "sheath" that they had to put the device in. That's what's put it over the top for me. The could have forgone all the sleaze-u-endo, but then it wouldn't be nearly as much fun then would it?
No matter how cool this seems, I think I'll pass on this one.
I'll just "borrow" my music the good 'ole fashioned way.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
From the website:
"Clocky is, quite simply, for people who have trouble waking up.
When the alarm clock goes off and the snooze button is pressed, Clocky will roll off the bedside table and wheel away, bumping mindlessly into objects on the floor until it eventually finds a spot to rest. Minutes later, when the alarm sounds again, the sleeper must get up out of bed and search for Clocky. This ensures that the person is fully awake before turning it off. Small wheels that are concealed by Clocky's shag enable it to move and reposition itself, and an internal processor helps it find a new hiding spot every day.
I don't like being told when to wake up but I've come to terms with the idea that I have to. In designing Clocky, I was in part inspired by kittens I've had that would bite my toes every morning. Clocky is less of an annoying device as it is a troublesome pet that you love anyway. It's also a bit ugly. But its unconventional look keeps the user calm, and inspires laughter at one of the most hated times of the day. "
Now I don't know about you, but I'll admit that I do have a hard time getting up in the morning. But I happen to think that its a bit sadistic to make someone get out of bed and search for the darned alarm clock. Considering that most mornings I can barely make it to the bathroom without bumping into something, stubbing a toe, or somehow manage to injure myself in a minor way (I'm a klutz...I'll tell you about it later...) making me search everywhere in my room for that annoying alarm, just so I can have 5 DAMNED MORE MINUTES!!!! No thanks.
Although I guess I could also build it a little cage...so then I wouldn't have to search for it every morning, thereby forgoing the awful work of hunting it down like a underfed lion - growling, angry and lumbering all over a dark room for a small fuzzy clock. Nah...I'm sticking to my original thought this is a sadistic toy built by a very bored grad student who came up with this at the last minute while She was running late to turn in the project. I think that she managed to luck out on this project.
I just love the fact that they had to add to the web pag:
Not for long... It's just a matter of time before someone thinks to sell this...
UPDATE > I actually just went to Gauri's website...and it looks like I'm ahead of the curve on this one. Clocky and Gauri are scheduled to go on Good Morning America tomorrow morning. (4/1/05)
So now it's just a matter of time when households all over America have their own Personal Morning Sadist...better known as PMS.
Update > Okay, so I'm a little behind the 'blogsphere...i've been busy. I'm finding postings as far back as March 16th...
Photo from Epicurious by: Lisa Hubbard. (who incidentally makes this look sooooo tempting!) If you had any idea about me...(which you probably don't) you might know that this meal idea sounds like nirvana to me. I love, love, love LOVE Cucumbers and Mango! Not to mention that the "forbidden food" of shellfish has made it all the more tempting and delightful to a girl like me. Therefore the simple hint at putting them together has sent me into a tizzy.
why in the hell didn't I think of this before? Truthfully I don't think I could tell you, or rather give any reason why. The thought just never crossed my mind before now. And it doesn't hurt that today is the most loveliest of days for it. San Francisco has decided to tease us all with awesome clear and warm weather (well sunny at least...warm is relative.) So it only makes me wish that I had a yard with a portch so that I go back there tonight and have this lovely meal with some nice white wine and slowly get tossed as the sun sets in the background.
ahhh... now that's romance!
Friday, March 11, 2005
I find that I am perusing Amazon and other sources for self-help books. I think that I've become the sad cliche that I had hoped I'd never become...
"make the career you have the career you love!" "women, and the life changes they made to be better!" " stressed out? Good for you, now leave your job"
Looking to self-help books to find the answers, instead of being self-sufficent enough to know that I don't need snake-oils, and others to help me "through"...you know what I mean...
It's not just the stress, although that is a good part of it, but I keep thinking that maybe I've abandoned something in the process of just desperately trying to maintain a "safe balance." Of course most of the books that I've either mistakenly purchased in a moment of bordem all seem to be "find a way out" kind of books. The kind that try to lead you by the nose to get you to do what they've done, make "that" change and then be happy. (whatever in the hell that means.)
But to be honest, I'm not depressed, (well just a little I live in a big city for christs sake. You're not normal if you haven't been to therapy at least once in your life) and I'm not unhappy. I'm just feeling lost. You know that kind of lost. Everyone does every once in a while, whoever tells you they don't is deluding themselves, is on some serious drugs, or otherwise anstestizing themselves to their current reality. But for me...its been a long while that I've felt this way. I keep looking back through older posts, and old journal entries, and it seems to be the same laments over again. "I feel lost." "I feel purposeless." "I feel like I should be doing/could be doing 'more'" (of what more pertains to I haven't a clue.)
a lot of my self pity and self-loathing is gone, and a lot is due to the fact that I'm much more confident than I ever have been before. It doesn't hurt to have my guy. He has made one hell of a difference in my life, in just a short amount of time. But its not him that I've been thinking about. its me. I think that I'm still allowed to be selfish in this place and space, I don't consider myself a "fully fleged adult" yet, although I'm closer than where I started.
Its the aimlessness.
That's what's making me feel dragged down. And its not like I'm not busy. In fact I'd say its the opposite. I'm running around busy all damn day. its the encroaching feeling like I'm phoning it in, and have been for quite some time. That is what is worrying me more than anything else.
Once, I wanted to be a writer so badly. It tugged at me and kept me up at night. Now its fallen by the wayside. Now it seems I'm going to be a business woman, but truthfully I can't stand that Idea either. Part of me hates the way I am so susceptible to modern trends, 'cause now I wish that I was some heiress...(actually that's a lie, everyone wants not work for a living.) But really I still just want to be, want to be DOING something else. Its the constant circle of employment and then unemployment that forced me back into what I'm doing, and I hate it. Now truthfully it offers me a grand opportunity to go to school...But even that was a phoned in. I applied on a whim, got in on a whim, and am not really dedicating much to it.
I dont have a super-clear idea of what I want, but I know that its not this. This hasn't been it for a good long time. This has paid off my college bar & books tab. But its not really feeding me or even filling me with any sense of completion or statisfaction.
shit. maybe I just need to quit.
Monday, March 07, 2005
The new york times was following the Robert Blake trial. Towards the bottom of the reoprt there was this very interesting aside:
"Earlier in the trial, a professor from the University of California, Los Angeles, testified as an expert witness about the psychotropic effects of cocaine. He said that he had smoked crack cocaine himself and sat in a cage with monkeys to teach them how to smoke cocaine as well."
Now personally I happen to think that this story alone deserves a full headline...Maybe more than just a side bar. Because I suspect that there was probably some public funding, and I'm dying to find out who what the genius Dean who gave this professor the go-ahead to use "psychotropic drugs" on monkeys or himself.
God help us, every one.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Anyway, I have already been to clean up his effects, and it was awful for me. I couldn't help but cry...its difficult when in my minds eye I still see him. It was also difficult to try and explain how 93 years of life gets distilled down to about 3 boxes of papers, pictures and artifacts. I suppose that close to the end you take only what you think you need, you leave behind the legal stuff for your family to deal with, and hope that you've made peace with yourself and your diety by the end. In fact I'm certian that he did.
Stubborn as ever, but as strong as they come, he left on his own time.
RIP: Abraham David Zadow b. 1911 - 2005
Monday, February 28, 2005
other wierd news, my grandpa is on "death watch.' his doctor believes that he may have ruptured his abdomen. I'm not entirely sure that was even possible, however considering that he is 93...it may in fact be possible.
regardless, I am not entirely sure how to feel about it. Back in October my grandma died, just last month my great aunt died (his sister) so may be it's time...
I don't know... this dying stuff always is tough.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
***** shameless plug
Aside from that, my dad is visiting for the Comicon convention. It should be really "interesting" I have to admit that when I went last year I got a little freaked out by all of the "kids" in costume. It was a little freaky to be honest when walking through the giant Moscone mall seeing a 20-something Amazoinan woman dressed all in blue, and had blue facepaint (all over - literally all over....) So go and see him.... okay. and buy his stuff. and tell him how much you love his daughter!
Monday, February 14, 2005
but all bitterness aside, its still a chalky candy treat for those less fortunate.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Now normally this is a good idea for modern - like structures. there are many examples of this being well applied. As an example - the Empire state building... Now notice that the choice of lighting makes a very impressive image on the skyline. Part of the reason why is that it is a simple modern structure that emphasizes the poweful straight lines that reach to the sky. It does look strangely like it's right out of Fritz Lang's Metropolis... Yet it is still an impressive building. The lighting in this case, is an example of lighting that is used effectively to draw attention to the angular nature that is skyscrapers.
My point? Neo - classical buildings built in the gothic style, should NOT be bathed in red lights! It is the farthest thing from romantic. I say that I was dumbstruck when I saw it, truth be told I jumped a little when I did see it. For a minute I though that maybe I should run to the closest Church and have them douse me in Holy water.
If anything, red lighting on City hall makes it look like it's been attacked by Vampires, or blood hungry seer-suckers who are out to bleed the city of San Francisco dry.
wait a minute... it's city hall. I suppose they already are. Nevermind.
Friday, February 04, 2005
as he lived in life, he will be remembered for his great talent and warm disposition. I was lucky enough to meet him once, and he made me feel like I had found the perfect example of a man. Intellegent, rambunctious, caprcious... the list goes on and on.
I as always am saddened when a talented person leaves us.
Your talents will never be forgotten. Thank you
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
I bring it up, because a good friend just ended her lucrative contract with a big kitchen utensil retail company. Instead of being upset by it, managed instead to turn it into a positive thing. She's going to europe for two weeks to be with friends, then when she comes back, will start a new job with a huge medical corporation. It's been called low-intesity combat.
I guess that I'm saying that I'm really missing being a contractor. I get to go whenever I want, and there is no love-loss because I don't have to buy into the b-s that is corporate culture within a company. I suppose that it could also be that long dark days are starting to give way to more light. I think it may be me just trying to shed my winter coat and inside I'm aching for the spring to come around.
It could also be that I'm not made out for the office cube life. I happen to think that no one is really made for the cubicle lifestyle. "The Office life." It doesn't really feel like much of a life. You talk to any person in almost any other country (with the exception of western europe) and they think what we do is silly. Ridiculious even. Living does not require that you are able to sit on your ass for 8 hours straight. Humans weren't built for that. Subsitence farming, living life on a smaller scale, it just seems to make so much more sense. Much more sense than trying to "look busy" while sitting, stairing blankly at my computer.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
uh...okay? not sure I understand how your good tax money is going to pay for this...padded gloves for game cocks?
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
- unfortunately I'm still boycotting first-run "a-list" films. I'm not willing to pay $10 a ticket to see a movie. I'll most likely wait until I can get my hands on the bootleg.
regardless - go see hotel rwanda... we all need to be reminded of how we turned our back on those who needed it. It's a nice helping of guilt for those cold winter nights.
that and tis a good movie.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Origami rhino humping...
Its always nice to know that even the fine art of Japanese Origami can be lowered to it's basest denominator. Of course you won't be finding me trying to fold this sucker - it looks like an enginering feat. That at it looks like I'd possibly end up with paper cuts on and a possible sprained wrist from all the folds. Which just makes this picture all the more marry. To think all that work....makes me giggle like an adolecent...
Which is always good.
I'm not going to be able to say much here other than I really do love coldplay and I am, of course, absolutely forgiving of chris for running off and marrying an actress, knocking her up, and then naming their baby girl "Apple"
And then of course the melange du' jour of punk-pop, looks like it's going to be perfect for my 13 year old neice, who doesn't really know what good music is becuase she is so hyper focused on being pumped full of MTV (they once played videos) shows with silly sound tracks simply picking from the pop-top 40. Thereby reinfocing supposed drama (which it completly is not anything more than staged - central casting kids) with music and continually fuelling a droning cycle of bad music.
I wanted my MTV - but now you can keep it.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
"Many Microsoft Windows users who downloaded the recently released AntiSpyware program from Microsoft, or had it installed through an automatic Windows update, woke up to a surprise. Unintentionally, the heuristics of the software detected Internet Explorer as spyware, and removed the program from their systems."
heheh...I happen to think that this is rather funny...even if it turns out not to be true...haven't substantiated it yet. and got it from del.icio.us so who knows...
Still funny as hell. from a QA perspective.
Nice. Big. Fuck-up!
Monday, January 10, 2005
That's right. The Socialists in North Korea have decided to wage war on long hair.
According the BBC
"A campaign exhorting men to get a proper short-back-and-sides has been aired by state-run Pyongyang television. The series is entitled: Let us trim our hair in accordance with Socialist lifestyle."If only it stopped there. But oh by gum, It doesn'!. The PSA/Propaganda goes so far as to hunt down out individuals (on the street) and shame them, on TV and by NAME, by asking why they look so shabby? Effectively "What's you're excuse for not looking like a proper member of the party?" Now what do you think you would do if you were stopped by .
They offer other programs such as "Dressing in accordance with our people's emotion and taste" to emphasize clothes and appearance with the wearer's "ideological and mental state".
So my question should be obvious... what about shoulder length curiles? Or better yet what about Marx's hair? Would He not belong to the Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists? For is he not, most definitely unkempt? And graced with the long flowing - hair? And what of Mr. Jong-Il? It could be argued that his hair is much taller than the request (required) 1 - 5 CM in length.(it looks like he is trying to emulate the transitioning Elvis... Definitely not aging 'oh-so gracefully')
Truthfully I bring it up as more general irony, and how absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I'm mad Baby, MMMMAAAAADDDDD!!!!
Thursday, January 06, 2005
I was more than a little surprized to find that when you search for my alias on-line, the very first hit is for erotic sculpture. The image is of a young girl bound and gagged lying on her side. Now I can understand that this may be of interest to some of you, but not to me. (just wanted to get that out there)
Nevermind the fact that Zuleka also pulls up 828 hits ( and I'm #3) Bondage a-go-go, never thought that'd be associated to me.
who knew I was so kinky?
UPDATE: I did a search for my first name, and came up with 2,370,000 hits. And of course, there is porn. and Japanese Anime. Strange for a name that means "bright light" or "twinkling lights"
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
I will gladly link your website, if you link to mine...
I've realized that's possibly why I'm suddenly getting more traffic, or it could just be that my actual writing skill has improved. Or it could simply be that you are a curly-hair lover (like myself) and were hoping to get some action. Well, of all of the likely choices, you're still out of luck. I'm actually taken, so the only kind of action that you'll probably be getting is the action of your head banging against your keyboard in boredom....
I mention, my whoriness because I was pleasantly surprised to find that one of my favorite blogs "The Manolo" has be listed as a linked- a blog to read... it is a sweet blessing from the super-fantastic shoe critique, as I love him, and the shoes. Although, I admit I am not always so the super-fantastic dresser myself, (as I am cheap.)
I only wish that I didn't work with the schlumpy-work office dressers. Of course it doesn't hurt that I have what they call "the hooves." Admittedly I do have a minor shoe fetish myself. As an example, I just recently bought a lovely pair of faux alligator sling-backs thanks to the Manolo.
See... aren't they just lovely?!? I had to restrain myself to only one pair as the chance find of a good looking size 11 wide shoes is nearly overwhelming. Professedly I really can't wear nice things for my office, as I am the low-(wo)man on the totem pole. I really don't have the need, nor the desire to wear nice things if I am to be crawling under desks, trudging back and forth from office to office and generally not be seen nor admired for my dressy flair. (hmm... maybe its time to dress the job and not having the job dress me....)
Tangent, sorry. Link whore, link whore....I was talking about being a link whore.
The point being that I realize I do like having people read my stuff. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one here who has something to complain/contemplate about. It may also have to do with the fact that I just got a nod as well from A New York Escorts Confessions, to join her Carnival of Sin. It is a little intimidating though, now I have to pay attention to writing good. Rather, I suppose that I am going to have to try and entertain more than just myself.
ha. Novel Idea.
Monday, January 03, 2005
Now that I'm back - and thrust right back into the whole lovely spinning, whirling abyss...I am reminded of how really behind the curve I am. It's surprizing to imagine that 6 days without internet connectivity and already I feel more than a little out of touch. That and I find that all of the blogs that I've normally frequented have only become more popular since I've last seen them ...all six days ago.
That and I've been drastically trying to find out more information about friends and family whom were vacationing in Sri Lanka and Thailand. So far nearly everyone I know directly is accounted for, but there are still others (friends of friends) whom are still missing. It's good to know that the blogsphere is a place where information flows freely - and quickly - about whom, what and where. Thankfully within hours I was able to get confirmation that everyone was okay. It's reassuring.