Monday, December 30, 2002

I should know better than to travel with family. Oh damn was that a mistake. Matricidal impulses surged through me after the first 12 hours.

I'm actually surprized that I lasted that long. Needless to say the whole point of the trip was for me to gain a wholesome (and envying) winter suntan. Of which I did manage to get a little darker, but no thanks to the family unit of which I had to spend nearly every waking hour with. I don't know how you can spoil heaven, but it was defintely a little frayed around the edges.

there is a quote I've come across which could not have said it better: Maybe there is no hell. Maybe hell is listening to your grandparents eat sandwiches while they breath through their noses. truer words could not have been spoken.

And if you don't know, now you know! WHoooYahhh!

Thursday, December 19, 2002

I only mention it here, because there are times in our lives when our brains can trick us into believing in something so much that we can delude ourselves into "feeling" it. But this dream was so vivid. It was unreal how I could feel myself walking, talking, moving through space. Through a space that I have never been in before, nor likely will ever see. It is possible that it was just my mind trying to re-hash old memories, but at the same time it was more than a memory. My senses were involved to the point that I could smell the musty room, I could tell you now in explicit detail the colors of the walls, the feel of the carpet under my feet.

It was more like a premonition of what I'd like to have happen. But I'm not beyond saying that I've had dreams like this before, and they were premonitions about specific times, places and people. I normally don't subscribe to "sixth sense" BS, but it's been happening to me more and more frequently. It was especially odd when I "knew" that I'd meet one of my very best friends before I ever knew of her. It could explain how we became such good friends so quickly. hmmm.

Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

Tuesday, December 17, 2002

this past weekend was a blur. Thank god I am not an alcoholic. but If you can hand me that beer over there....

Was in Washington DC and drank, ate and was trying to be merry. Only I dont think I drank enough to be merry. Maybe I was jolly, but not merry.
Thursday night: A fishbowl of rum/gin punch started me out. I don't remember getting into bed, but I was woken up at 5 am by a very annoying alarm clock.
Friday: Most of the day...pretending I wasn't drunk/hungover. Then, YAY! drinks galore! A hosted bar at my company party. Needless to say..I don't remember much of the meal, but the drinks were free. (really thats all that matters.)
Saturday: we aren't talking to each other right now. Then later...more drinking! and dancing, yay!
Dunday: flying home...drinking in business class!

what's the diffrence between alcoholics and drinkers...Drinkers aren't quitters

Friday, December 13, 2002

I was "stream of Conciousness" writing this... Its the edited version since it is truly boring.

I am again on another airplane, and I find that I am again struck by the Seminole beauty of the passing landscape. The light glinting off of the lakes of water and the mountains rising above the clouds. For the first time I saw what it might have been like thousands of years ago when a great inland lake filled the central valley of California. Vast and terrifying. If only for its awesomeness.

- Okay so I’m waxing poetic about landscape that I know is not really a matter of great importance to many. But every once in awhile it does take my breath away just because of the pure surprise that it has. I know that I don’t every feel like saying that I am blesses. But those moments…there are moments when you don’t realize it and they come upon you and the only acceptable emotion might be to cry. And even now I find that I am tearing simply at the sight of things that I have already-often seen from afar.

- Possibly the reason why I am so emotional is because of the sense of lost opportunity? Or maybe it could be simply out of fear. Fear of that something that I don’t have any faith in…lord knows that I don’t have faith in my own abilities. Never have, and I suppose that my laziness may overtake my will to someday aspire to greatness. I suppose that I am just recently struck with the fear that I have no original ideas, and that my own desire for originality has faded into a rote daily chore or normalcy, simply because of laziness.

- Watching the air trail of the previous airplanes that have just passed by this route, I suppose that I feel unoriginal. (Maybe it could just be that we’ve passed by most of the sierra Madre and are about to pass into the Great Plains.) All that vast flatness. How could that inspire any striking images, other than its lack thereof of topography? (God I sound full of myself don’t I) In comparison to the rest of the nation…so blank but I suppose in the same vein absolutely ripe for more…the unoriginality idea…what do I have to say that has not already been said by someone more eloquent and talented? I suppose being haunted by my father’s ghost, and his terrible failures I have a right to be skeptical of my abilities to surpass him. Possibly it could be my mother’s ill health, and her constant stories of “almost” discovery. I’ve been let down too often not to expect that I cannot be all things to anyone other than myself.

But at the same time isn’t it acceptable to believe in your own abilities? I know that I’m not a fool. That it’s not easy to make anything of yourself in a modern world crushed by people who are talented and determined. More determined and lucky than me. Truthfully I don’t think that I am so much more different than others in their desire for acceptance and reward?

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

HAHAHAHA although I've seen this before. It's still funny.

and then there's the you are my friend website...Dramatic drum rolls and creshendo's and all
Man Sentenced for 'Burning Bush' Comment
By Associated Press
December 6, 2002, 2:37 PM EST
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. -- A man who made a remark about a "burning Bush" during the president's March 2001 trip to Sioux Falls was sentenced Friday to 37 months in prison.

Richard Humphreys, of Portland, Ore., was convicted in September of threatening to kill or harm the president and said he plans to appeal. He has said the comment was a prophecy protected under his right to free speech.

Humphreys said he got into a barroom discussion in nearby Watertown with a truck driver. A bartender who overheard the conversation realized the president was to visit Sioux Falls the next day and told police Humphreys talked about a "burning Bush" and the possibility of someone pouring a flammable liquid on Bush and lighting it.

"I said God might speak to the world through a burning Bush," Humphreys testified during his trial. "I had said that before and I thought it was funny."
Copyright © 2002, The Associated Press

*courtesy of Free Pie and

Monday, December 09, 2002

Okay have done some updates for all you travel seekers, i mean stalkers, who are desperately trying to find me. I've posted wayyyyy too much information for you on my *Other* page.

OK? ok. goodnight.

Thursday, December 05, 2002

OKay, Travel has its way with me yet again.
1. I must mention that I normally love the southwest, (As I can be considered almost part of it.)
2. Arizona is a lovely state, geographically and topographically
3. Phoenix is hell.

Not to be unfair to those friends of mine who do live there, I will admit to having a cold and that my reasons for visiting Phoenix were not for pleasure. Had they been, I might most assuredly had a better time. However I was in the said "hell" for business and as such that means that my abilities to live it up are limited to what I can eek out of my time after 8 + hours in a glass and steel monolith. Needless to say...I was indoors and suffered at the hands of modern science. *read as: I hate Air Conditioning Aside from that Phoenix (which I do regard as a lovely town) looked more and more like the "Pure Hell Hole" that is Los Angeles. Smog and Heat only functioning to provide stunning sunsets which blaze across the setting sky.

All that said..the trip went well. I now have a head cold and skin cancer.*

just joking 'bout the skin don't crack. and thankfully rarely burns.

Sunday, December 01, 2002

I was good and bought NOTHING what about you?

Thursday, November 28, 2002

Happy Thanksgiving!

For those of us who are in the global top 5%! for the rest of you...oh well. you can do just fine on our waste.

Tomorrow is the biggest shopping day in all of America. I'd like to suggest that instead of shopping till you drop, how about sleeping in and enjoying the delightfull dreams you're having courtesy of your overstuffed bellies?

Why not join in on Buy Nothing Day

Wednesday, November 27, 2002

Taken from JCpenny. Quote:

"World Peace Keepers Battle Station"
"$24.99 Includes one 12 inch tall poseable action figure, cannon with tripod and 40-pc. accessory set. Cannon has working lights and sound; requires 2 AA batteries, included. Accessory set includes everything needed to stage a battle.* Plastic. 2 lbs. Ages 3 and up."

we are all going to hell. On a bananna bike. Oh fuck.
*Italics added for emphasis

Tuesday, November 26, 2002

I have just submitted myself to a social-less life. I'm ready to give in to the wonder that is the 'net and kow-tow to it's awsomeness.

I bring it up because I've just counted and I have (at this very minute) 5 e-mail accounts; 2 blogs; 2 (or 3) on-line dating references; 3 web communities; 2 or more (some I may have neglected) BBSes that I subscribe to. 2 personal websites.

I thought that the point to technology was to make life easier and here I am making my life more complicated by not engaging in it at all. how awful is that?
stuff like "Go see my page" end up in more than just my e-mail communications. Its getting scary.
my eyes are glazing over from the monitor glare

Monday, November 25, 2002

ahhh... the trails and tribulations of holiday family gatherings.

Actually its not all that stressfull. Thankfully most of the drama is reserved for the christmas tree decorations. Thank God I'm jewish. I think that if I were to do something horrible during the set-up when it comes time for the trial that I could claim instanity because of Zionism. I only mention it because I remember a few years back there was an incident of a man who had stabbed his daughter to death over the decoration of their christmas tree. lord knows I've felt that way especially when mom has wanted to shove a freakin tree into my car when I had a perfectly fine roof rack to put the F*ckin tree on.

Other than that days have been rolling on - alcohol soaked as ever. Especially when eurotrash is involved. After this is all passed on I don't know if I'm going to remember what happened or has been happening these past few month.
- There is a new bar in my flat now. Its looking more and more like a bordello every day. Either that or a speakeasy. I've been considering becoming a madam. I mean...hell! why the fuck not. I got a house of men, all of them eligible and very good looking, and I know a growing pool of girlfriends who are always complaining about how it seems like there are no good men "left."

Actually that idea is probably not something I should honestly be considering with any seriousness. Although I won't lie, the idea is enticing. If only to keep the upper-hand on all my "mens"
*Quietly giggling to herself*

Thursday, November 21, 2002

I've got such a bathroom sense of humor. Its awful - according to someone else. Personally I think that its a touch more masculine that I should enjoy, but then again the whole idea of gender roles is a false construct created to keep people miserable.
- I'm regressing and I think that its not an alltogether good thing. I find that I'm searching out all of that crap that I once rejected while growing up much too fast. Maybe that or I'm trying seriously hard to avoid the inevitability that I'm getting older. (not that I'm an old hag, not by a long shot)

Still...weddings, babies, christenings, bris-es, and other landmarks keep hurtling towards me at a lightening speed that makes even my head spin.

Am I so ego-istic that I'm sacrificing my grandness on just my self? - Could I have a BIGGER ego?

Tuesday, November 19, 2002

Actually I've still got the giggles from a most hilarious story that I heard while on the road:

Friend of a friend had several job interviews in a day. To keep his voice from cracking and his mouth from being overly dry while interviewing he had drunk lots of water. During the course of the day he was so nervous, and had timed the interviews so closely that he did not have enough time to break for the bathroom. At the end of the second interview he was desperate to go to the bathroom. There was a bathroom in the second office, but all of the stalls were in use. He couldn't wait for use of the stalls - he needed to go so bad - so the next best thing was the sink.

Without delay he whipped it out and began to relieve himself...well he was so pent up with the stress and pressure of needed to urinate for the past couple of hours that the release made him pass out. he was found a few moments later on the floor of the mens bathroom, passed out, pants down hand on himself and lying in a puddle.
- needless to say he didn't get that job.

It doesn't do it justice to retell it in is much better told in person...Honestly I nearly lost it on Sunday past while at a resturant drinking a Freakin Huge soda, just imagining my roadies passed out on the floor from the sheer pleasure of relieving themselves.


Monday, November 18, 2002

ooph. I went snowboarding for the first time in my life, and quite possibly the last. Although fun, and good for me - in true kizzy form I managed to hurt myself. I should have known better than to push myself on the first day of the ski season when the mountains are icy and not really primed for traversing.

I took an edge and the lip of my rented snowboard dug in. I "cacked" it (a british-ism for flubbing/falling/hurting onself - trust me it sounds cool with the accent) and did an amazing twisting flip midair. But when I landed I felt and heard a pop in my right knee and now I'm hurting and limping all over the place. I fear that I might need to go to the orthopedic surgeon to take care of it. Not something I'm looking forward to again, one massive reconstructed knee later and I'm limping and hurting every freaking winter. Now to only hurt my right knee as well.
The road trip was worth it. no sleep and tons of laughs...the way a road trip should be.

Thursday, November 14, 2002

I've been ranting a lot recently. Come to think of it I have very little to rant about. But that doesn't seem to stop me. Either I'm very stubborn, or just very stupid. Someday I might just get the point and see that ranting about all this hullabaloo isn't going to do me any good other than to just allow me to vent some of my many pent up frustrations at the world, and my complete lack of understanding as to why it has to all turn out this way.

I suppose that it all started when i was a little girl....

Wednesday, November 13, 2002

having effectively forsworn any activities that are productive....I am still at work. futzing around online. HA. da' Man should have known better.
but then again "he" was never really that smart. Serves "him" right for creating Mosaic in the first place and trying to make money off of it. *teehee*

I am in lovely-freakin-wet Portland,OR. ("or what?" should be your question, my answer..oops don't have one 'spose thats 'cause I don't have an "or" to be at right now.) This traveling stuff sucks sometimes. I miss traveling with friends and fun people. When its me and the suits...suits are boring by nature, and I never considered myself a suit. I'm not a drinker only socially (and when I am in my room late at night with the lights down and I'm sobbing into an empty bottle of wine....oops...damn...inside my head voice...inside my head voice.) And If you haven't been on the business circut lately the people that I'm working with and seeing are far from the hang-out at a bar type. Definetly NOT the type you take out on the town to have fun.

ugh...I do not like me sometimes. So RASBERRIES to you!
hunger is taking over...ugh. I have got a cracking headache and I know that it has to do with the fact that I haven't eaten anything since 6 am this morning. Its now 1 pm and my blood sugar is dipping dangerously low. It's about time for the bitch to come out and play. I should really shove something into my mouth. (I've really got some very strange oral fixations, don't I?)

Another roommate is now contemplating leaving...our happy little dysfunctional-orgiastic-sadistic-family is falling apart. What's a girl to do? And why is it that suddenly Paris is so fucking alluring. It fuckin' 20 degrees and uuuugggghhhhaaaleeee in the autumn/winter. No more culture than here?!?! I'll miss him if he goes. Good 'Ol Chap that he is. *Thud*

Monday, November 11, 2002

So much DRA-MA! more drama than is really necessary - Eurotrash is visiting...and of course I thought that all was good, but "eurotrash is as eurotrash does." but not the both of them - one of them is really cool but the other is just not having it, and so made the weekend crap. That and I was having indigestion from all that crap I shoved in my tummy. I felt really cooped up because of the weather and I spent the entire weekend inside.

I did get free preview passes for the new movie "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" - not bad but LOOOOONNNNGGGG! clockin in at nearly 3 hours. My ass started to hurt at the 2 hour mark. But then I've read the book - not bad for a kids book. quick easy afternoon/beach read. it [the movie] does some justice to the text, but the book was relatively detailed to begin with - a little short of character development since that was for the most part covered in the first book. All the same it does make me want to read the next book in the series...if only because I'm going to be airborne myself today.

That was one of those dreams that I had when I was a kid - to be a witch or have majical powers and have the ability to make others do my willing - or rather have the natural world under my control....hmmm

Saturday, November 09, 2002

Okay...inside day.and I haven't done that in awhile. Not that I wouldn't have perferred to get out and explore the great outdoors...It was a family thing, so it meant that food and food and more food was included. I hurt now. My tummy is disended. I feel so anti-ethiopian. And it's only served to make me feel lethargic and pitiful. Inside all freakin day! I live in the freakin big city, and what do I do but stay indoors on a lovely day.

This house, my house is At the very moment empty except for myself, otherwise there are now 7 people here. It feels so hyper-dramatic - so "real world-ian" that it's strange. Normally there are only 4 men and then me. The lone house-frau. Not to say that I don't enjoy having people vist, always a good experience to show-off but at the same time, I'd enjoy having the place to myself. yet at the same time I'm sorry to see one of them go - the good one. Damn!

Friday, November 08, 2002

is it wrong to really like Justin Timberlake's music? I feel dirty, and not the good kind of dirty - sort of betrayer kind of dirty. Like I've been lying kind of dirty.
But I've gotta give the boy props...this new album....Which have NOT purchased but have sampled courtesy of MTV's first listen Heck, even Miss Janet is getting down with the boy. (I can't blame her either - if you got it go for it!!)

he's actually goin for the real grove - and lots of sounds that are obviously influenced by the greats Stevie Wonder in particular. Which really wants to make me take out all of LP's and park my butt on my carpet and rock-out in my room - like old times...

"She's a Bad-mamma-jamma"

WHAT!?!? I can't even check my e-mail while futzing around at a client site! Firewalls and Blocked mail sites! What in the heck do people think we're trying to do here, freakin work? Nuh-uh!! not me.

Okay, this was the plan - I was going to totally relate this great chat session that I had with a friend of mine "D-Love" but the text of it was waaayyyy too long to include here. I suggest that you read it - one of my new personal favorite stories - and TOTALLY TRUE! this Shiznit is better than fiction. (Life usually is anyway.)

So if you're cool enough to handle it - take a minute to read this and you'll understand why I am so ABSOLUTELY not cool

It gets to the nudity and the group orgys towards the middle of the story. (I always come through don't I - orgys and nudity - who could ask for more!) And I promise that I have at least 4 people to corrborate the story as absolutely true. (why would I lie!)

- chillin like a villian

Thursday, November 07, 2002

Okay - so I spent most of the afternoon trying to figure out how in the heck I would post this great - farcical image of Bush - version 2 on this blog -only to fail miserably. I haven't done any HTML or Java for that matter in over 3 years. I am so freakin out of it anyway. My FTP situation is horrible. (read - I can't afford a good one so I'm relegated to crap free services) And on top of all of that – I’m tired and hung-over from last night.

Actually a moderately entertaining story – not worthy of a full retelling but possibly the juicy tidbits.

Birthday celebration at a campy piano bar in the big city…too much alcohol consumed by the birthday girl…obligatory outbursts by the birthday girl…a playful mauling at the table by Italian men…1 AM on a (now Thursday morning) I was ready to call it quits, but had just met a George Clooney Clone - and he was decidedly interested in me, even with the "on-me-like-a-cheap-suit" italian-mauler/man.
—Then it began to rain. not bad for a Wednesday Night/Thursday Morning.

Wednesday, November 06, 2002

Kick A$$ games - courtesy of

so this is some of what I do - I get holed up in my own personal hell of seeing the same 4 walls....and I play stupid mind games and do the same damn thing. - no I don't... but I like being a drama queen.

HA! Winona is guilty - but aint goin NOWHERE! Time in jail? Pshaw. not gonna happen in this universe where the bad guy gets time off for good behavior even when they've been convicted of murder. Besides she's too pretty to have anything happen. Hmph. shes a neighbor too - from the 'burbs - serves her right.

This is where I started, but Here may be where I end up.
I must rant: so much for civic duty. a freakin drop in the bucket and look what happens. I go and I vote and still the evil empire wins. makes it fee really futile.

Enough: the point was this; I think I'm interesting and that I have some insight to my world around me. Lord knows I've lived in my own world long enough - Time to introduce YOU to it as well. This is the beginning of something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. (Wait I'm not married!)

Odd how an egotistical defense of solipsism can turn into self righteous rants for the whole world to see.
a little tautological, no?

I am making MY statements heard, somehow. We'll see how it goes, and for how long "The Man" lets me do it. - damn its early.