Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Reverend Billy and The Church of Stop Shopping

I have fallen prey to it.
Lord forgive me.
I know that I have fallen off the righteous path and have followed the devil into Nordstrom's. I have sipped his fine ambrosia of moccahinos and raspberry-orange-mango-jamba-buzzes. Forgive me lord, I was entranced away from the saintly and honorable small businesses. I did not mean to forsake my brother and become a denizen of the hellish trans-national corporations. Their words were sweet, and their pastriess were tempting, and I became their lifeless willing slave. But NO MORE!

It is for this reason I am thankful that you have brought me unto the light of the Reverend Billy. I shall quote him presently as I feel the strength in his words:(Taken from SF Bay Guardian)

We are radically depoliticized in this culture...We don't think the things on the shelves come from anywhere. We don't have a labor history, a resources history. I close my eyes and try to think about what that really means, about walking into a store in San Francisco Center and picking up a pretty spaghetti-strap tank top or a scented candle. All most people think about are the stories that will be created after they walk out with their purchase.
And another inspirational quote from the great Reverend:
Power wants the powerless to stay nice and polite, of course. But we are Americans. The British Empire in the 1770's was outrageously hypnotic, the King and the Queen came straight from God with their massive ships and miles of red coats and bayonets. Can you imagine? How would you oppose that? Transnational corporate marketing is now the empire on which the sun never sets, and it isn't a nation, it is a biosphere of advertising and greenhouse gasses. It is world-wide, but it is whispering in our ear, doing a great job of imitating our most private thoughts; it tells us we are almost happy; but we're one purchase short of heaven. Shop a bit more.

I think that I shall join his choir, and become a true beliver in the faith of "stop shopping!"

join me brothers and sisters... stop shopping.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Oh my, I should be embarrassed

I just re-read that last entry. How positively pitful. I really can write...I know I can. I can prove that I can string together a coherent sentence...honestly, I can. I only feel bad about it because I know that the last entry was some time between complete breakdown and absolute pass-out. I am unused to the stresses of the strange diad that I'm going through. No, I'm lying...it's more than a seperation of student self and work self. I feel disconnected to "me" in the actual "me" sense of the word.

make sense? good. It doesn't to "me" or me either.

I suppose that this train of thought came up because I'm seeing this strange deliberate manifestation of adulthood come over me and my friends. Its something that I've been unable to deal with simply because I've had the luxury of saying "I'm recovering" or "I'm out of work" or "I'm in school" I've used so many excuses lately that I think that I'm running on repeat. Regardless its happening. And lately it feels like it's been picking up speed. Another engagement, a new baby, another wedding. I had just gotten used to the "I've finally got a steady...(enter sex appropriate reference)" and the 9-5 stuff. Now the actual business of being an adult, dealing with death, car insurance, life insurance and "planning for a future" have become a recurrent theme in the day-to-day.

Now don't get me wrong. This is not a Bad thing per se. It's just odd 'cause I never expected this to happen. Do you remember when you were say like 8 years old and the concept of being 28 to 30-ish was about as fantastic as flying cars? I do. For some insane reason I could never see myself older than 25. Now that 25 has come and gone, I'm wondering really what that little 8 year old saw in me. I wonder if she'd be happy with the result? Or if she'd still be as confused about being herself as she is to this day. I should stop harping on this same thread of "oh poor confused mulatto girl." but its been such a good line for me for so long.

Anyway. The point. The reason why I decided I needed to update the entries. 1. to apologize severly for that poor example of writing. 2. to explain taht I am not a flake and 3. to say i saw my friends in confusion and combat Dave & Allison today IN the Carnivale parade. ( I looked through my pictures, and I got a great shot of Allison's booty.)

Yay for Latin co-option of Catholic traditions!

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Dear God...please let it be summer soon

You forget how much work school is, until you have to return to it at a later age. I never remember it being this stressfull, and its not like its actually hard...it could just be that I'm in the process of trying to keep down a full time gig and do this school stuff at the same time.

part of me really wants to go backto school full time...so I can at least have the summers off to let my brain rot out. (You know that feeling about early August, when the only thing going through your mind is 'duh' on repeat) But I'm not sure if that's feasable right now.

I had this great discussion the other day about "the meaning of life..." His immediate response was "42!" we laughed about it, and talked some more...specificaly on the "what in the hell am I doing" vein and eventually came to the conclusion that we had no idea. None whatsoever. I'm not sure if that's reassuring or scary.

Anyway... Onto Other things. I was filling up my ipod, and realized that I hadn't listened to Jill Scott in so long... got really into it again. Both albums. I'm more than a little jealous, to be honest. I watched an interview with her and Tavist Smiley...and well her explination of her cover, and of why she was doing what she did...damn I'm jealous. No to be honest...more like Damn I'm gutless. I was never one for sticking my head out of the door and being willing to get it chopped off. 'cause its the point to glory and fame, you have to be willing to take the risks...and having watched as others around me have tried and failed miserably (nay horribly zepplein-like failure) I'm a little scarred. As you can imagine.

...someday I'll tell you about it.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

random ramblings...

i'm thinking I need to sleep more...and have my computer off more often. I only mention it...well because it's nearly 11 pm at night and I've been on a computer since 7:30 this morning.

This is supposed to be "me" time... when I do what I want for the spare 15 minutes before I drag my ass up stairs and pass out... and what do I do? I go on-line and look at other blogs.

and then I come across this one: http://moviesandmore.typepad.com/ found it really interesting...that and the fact that they to have a love/hate relationship with all things that make modern life great and awful at the same time.

if I had guts....I'd take heroin.... 'cause its gotta be better than this.