Friday, September 24, 2004's Pickup Line Contest's Pickup Line Contest

It made me chuckle. I especially this one:
"Upon being introduced to an attractive guy in a bar one night when I was sort of down, I said, in my best forlorn-wallflower voice: "Can you kiss me on the cheek so I can say a cute guy kissed me tonight?" Needless to say, more than just a kiss on the cheek ensued, and friends have since employed this method with 100% success."

Monday, September 20, 2004

been busy

but never busy enough to scratch my head, and have a good the expense of others.

Thanks to my friends at fuggin it up! I'm always feeling good about not being famous....for example:

I can always be thankful that I have enough sense to know that I should ALWAYS leave the house with more than my handtowels attached (clumlisly I might add) to my privates. And when attending a Gala Event...a long black dress is always a good choice. ankle length, preferably.

even though this woman, whomever she is...will likely never get much of a promotion beyond the casting room couch.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

oh how I have forgotten the lovely lexicon called Engrish.

It's Kinda hard to tell exactly what is being sold...but it doesn't matter because I'm laughing so damned hard.....

I'm a little afraid to think that "Monkey Stix" are either 1. Ass igniters 2. Unusal animal inspectors 3. Should be illegal in all 50 United States.

Christ, even that doesn't seem to really encapsulate exactly what in the hell this anthropromorphized monkey is doing bent over holding what looks like a lighted match to his butt. Nevermind the lustful look in his eyes, calling out to you to "keep doing the thing which one wants to do very hard."

But at least "consumers" are always satisfied!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

office conversations

Man1: oh wow - 12 people just got shot in Oakland in the past twelve hours.

Man2: yeah. That's what'd they call a fire sale in Oakland.

- don't lie. you're laughing. I laughed too. Nearly choked on a swig of water when I heard it.

edit: i found out last night that a majority of the twelve that died were attending a funeral. Isn't that just a lovely piece of irony

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Texas Rangers Relief Pitcher Charged with Assault

Texas Rangers Relief Pitcher Charged with Assault
Tue Sep 14, 2:49 PM

By Adam Tanner
SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - A Texas Rangers (news) relief pitcher was arrested and charged with assault after flinging a chair into the stands and injuring a woman during a baseball game in Oakland, California, officials said on Tuesday.

Franklin Francisco, 25, was charged with aggravated battery after police said he threw a folding chair at a heckler in the stadium where his team was playing the Oakland Athletics (news) on Monday. He was not pitching at the time.

Video of the incident showed several Texas players confronting fans, with the woman emerging with a bloody nose and blood spilling onto her Athletics sweatshirt.

The unusual incident caused a 19-minute delay in the game that ended with the Athletics winning 7-6 in 10 innings. "

- so okay - you had your tantrum, you hit an innocent by-stander, and you're how old?

jesus christ. every day it seems like professional - anything (least of all athletics) have all managed to disenigrate into fist-to-cuffs.

What happened to some civility? boo-effin-hoo so you got called some bad names. I'd like to quote a favorite genuis of mine...

my 4 year old nephew...

"I'm rubber you're glue whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!"

Monday, September 13, 2004

family gatherings...

...are always better when there is alcohol involved.

- It was a very celebratory wedding. Nice and not conservative what-so-ever. The bride and groom didn't want any presents, and instead had requested that all of the family and friends give to a foundation, (of which I can't remember now.) - trust me this is a good story...keep reading.

Turns out that the director and the driving force behind the foundation are good friends of the bride and groom, and were (of course) grateful for the gifts. The were asked to get up and speak about what the foundation is, what it does, and whom it benefits. The director and "driving force" are a husband and wife team whom had a little girl - aged 8 months with them. The Director was breastfeeding her little girl – surreptitiously at the table before the bride and groom called them up.

The Director and "driving force" both got up to speak, and brought their little girl with them to try and explain what their foundation was about. Unfortunately for them, their little girl wasn’t finished eating and was very unhappy about it. She began to wriggle and squirm, making it difficult for the director/mom to talk about the foundation. Out of frustration, she handed off the baby to her husband who was standing next to her in an attempt to quell the child and get on with her speech.

This, of course, did nothing but aggravate the baby more . . . she wanted mommy – no she wanted dinner . . . and daddy wasn’t going to help. The Director/mommy was unable to continue the presentation with her squirming child next to her . . . so she shoved the mike back at her husband, said "I can’t do this, she needs to eat." grabbed her baby, PRESENTED HER BOOB and began to breast feed. RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE GATHERING.

It took a moment to realize what was happening. There was some nervous laughter from the men, and then after a few moments some of the mothers in the crowd started to cheer and clap. It was awkward, to say the least . . . but the fact that no one really flinched and instead continued to laugh at this strange human comedy made it even funnier.

That will be the defining moment during the weekend that everyone will remember.

Public breastfeeding.

- I’m not sure that’s a distinction that my cousin was hoping for.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Costanoa - here I come

This weekend my cousin is getting married. It'll be a weekend affair with all of the family from both coasts coming in. It should be interesting, Between two very lovely parks, and it looks like the weather is going to play fair and be lovely.

If I have any say about what to do this weekend, (That is before the wedding and/or Celebrations) its going to be very little...other than laying about in a swimsuit. Or maybe...maybe going for a hike/walk down to see the elephant seals.

- naw scratch that. I'll be looking specifically at thesky, while on my back drinking copious amounts of wine/mi-tais etc.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

The Devil's always in the details

This is an actual post for a home for sale, in Canada. Gotta Love those Canadians.

Try and see if you can find a problem with it?

At first glance, everything looks normal, lovely and very serene...the perfect home for sale.
A bucolic setting, and lovely furntiure to problem what so-ever.

But take a closer look - There is one detail that both the homeowners, the Real Estate Agent AND The Webmaster managed to over look:

whoo - hoo...that one made me laugh out loud. For the simple realization that: Oh right! It's the two dogs in the back yard!

I don't know how long this was sitting on the MLS site, or even how many people noticed the two dogs subliminally copulating in the background, but just as soon as the people above caught sight of it, things started happening. These actions included:

* The immediate removal of the picture,
* the restoration of the picture, with the dogs blurred out, Cops-style,
* the removal of that picture and the restoration of the original picture,
* the removal of that picture, and a replacement with the hedges behind the dogs clumsily Photoshopped over them.

I don't know why they didn't just take the picture down and leave it down, unless the only room in the house worth looking at is the living room. I dunno -- maybe it's one of those drug houses where everything is a hollowed-out wreck full of maryjane and ultraviolet lights, and this is their one, publically-facing room. Perhaps that's why it's so critically important that people see how great the living room is, dog-fucking notwithstanding.

I can't begin to understand it, but isn't that what makes stupid things like this so great? It's incomprehensible, accidental, combative and hilarious all at the same time...ahhh thanks again nature!

Friday, September 03, 2004

FireFox is my new best friend

Oh how I love thee....let me count the ways.

1. I'm a geek - which means that anything new will therefore undoubtedly be better.
2. I've been using you for a few weeks on my Windows ProXP and have seen my spyware rate drop to zero.
3. You are universially supportable.
4. You are open-source, and are MAINTAINED as such.

I could go on, but to be honest, it was the really cute icon that did me in. (isn't it just adorable...hugging the planet like so...) Actually no, I finally gave into my boyfriend and decided to give it a try. Nevermid the fact that I was getting sick and tired with trying to combat all of the freakin ActiveX/Spyware bugs that kept installing KeyLoggers on my system. Not something that I am terribly happy about.

- so anyway. I'm a big chuckle-snorting-glasses-can't-stay-up-high-waiter-wearin geek! and I'm proud of it.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

my life is sucking...

My teeth hurt. And its the kind of dull pain that grows on you slightly. It creeps its way up your sinuses to the point where you cannot ignore it because the loud thumping in your head prevents you from being able to see straight. That and the tears that are coming out of your eyes tend to blur your vision.

I had to go to the dentist. My head and jaw hurt so much that it couldn't be prevented. I wish that it was for a simple check-up, but it wasn't. It was dibiltating. Now that the drugs are starting to wear thin, I'm wondering if it was such a good idea. There were three different dentists in my mouth this afternoon. I'm glad that I dont have a high moral meter, otherwise I might have felt dirty. Oddly enough though, when I got up to leave, I towered over all of them. I'm not amazonian, but I'd figure that we "grow 'em" bigger out west. They must be mid-western mutts.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Surprizingly busy

So I've started my school classes, and yesterday and today I have been working dilligently on them.(...ahem) not while at work of course. ;-)

anyway as a result I've managed to muscle together my first bonafide web-page that I've put together for my web-instruction class. Pretty it aint. But it'll do for the time being.

I have high minded ideals for what this should be, but most likely it'll come up short. I have a tendency to forget about the details, like making sure all of the links are live, etc, etc. But it should be interesting. I'm logging my trials and trbulations on another Blog which I'll be updating from time to time. Its really intended more for reference in the class-room so that I can say I'm actually doing something. Even though I can change the posting if necessary I could fake it. Not that I would. that. I'm never going to feel the wind on my cheeks, or see the light of day ever again...

why do I do this to myself?