Monday, December 30, 2002

I should know better than to travel with family. Oh damn was that a mistake. Matricidal impulses surged through me after the first 12 hours.

I'm actually surprized that I lasted that long. Needless to say the whole point of the trip was for me to gain a wholesome (and envying) winter suntan. Of which I did manage to get a little darker, but no thanks to the family unit of which I had to spend nearly every waking hour with. I don't know how you can spoil heaven, but it was defintely a little frayed around the edges.

there is a quote I've come across which could not have said it better: Maybe there is no hell. Maybe hell is listening to your grandparents eat sandwiches while they breath through their noses. truer words could not have been spoken.

And if you don't know, now you know! WHoooYahhh!

Thursday, December 19, 2002

I only mention it here, because there are times in our lives when our brains can trick us into believing in something so much that we can delude ourselves into "feeling" it. But this dream was so vivid. It was unreal how I could feel myself walking, talking, moving through space. Through a space that I have never been in before, nor likely will ever see. It is possible that it was just my mind trying to re-hash old memories, but at the same time it was more than a memory. My senses were involved to the point that I could smell the musty room, I could tell you now in explicit detail the colors of the walls, the feel of the carpet under my feet.

It was more like a premonition of what I'd like to have happen. But I'm not beyond saying that I've had dreams like this before, and they were premonitions about specific times, places and people. I normally don't subscribe to "sixth sense" BS, but it's been happening to me more and more frequently. It was especially odd when I "knew" that I'd meet one of my very best friends before I ever knew of her. It could explain how we became such good friends so quickly. hmmm.

Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

Tuesday, December 17, 2002

this past weekend was a blur. Thank god I am not an alcoholic. but If you can hand me that beer over there....

Was in Washington DC and drank, ate and was trying to be merry. Only I dont think I drank enough to be merry. Maybe I was jolly, but not merry.
Thursday night: A fishbowl of rum/gin punch started me out. I don't remember getting into bed, but I was woken up at 5 am by a very annoying alarm clock.
Friday: Most of the day...pretending I wasn't drunk/hungover. Then, YAY! drinks galore! A hosted bar at my company party. Needless to say..I don't remember much of the meal, but the drinks were free. (really thats all that matters.)
Saturday: we aren't talking to each other right now. Then later...more drinking! and dancing, yay!
Dunday: flying home...drinking in business class!

what's the diffrence between alcoholics and drinkers...Drinkers aren't quitters

Friday, December 13, 2002

I was "stream of Conciousness" writing this... Its the edited version since it is truly boring.

I am again on another airplane, and I find that I am again struck by the Seminole beauty of the passing landscape. The light glinting off of the lakes of water and the mountains rising above the clouds. For the first time I saw what it might have been like thousands of years ago when a great inland lake filled the central valley of California. Vast and terrifying. If only for its awesomeness.

- Okay so I’m waxing poetic about landscape that I know is not really a matter of great importance to many. But every once in awhile it does take my breath away just because of the pure surprise that it has. I know that I don’t every feel like saying that I am blesses. But those moments…there are moments when you don’t realize it and they come upon you and the only acceptable emotion might be to cry. And even now I find that I am tearing simply at the sight of things that I have already-often seen from afar.

- Possibly the reason why I am so emotional is because of the sense of lost opportunity? Or maybe it could be simply out of fear. Fear of that something that I don’t have any faith in…lord knows that I don’t have faith in my own abilities. Never have, and I suppose that my laziness may overtake my will to someday aspire to greatness. I suppose that I am just recently struck with the fear that I have no original ideas, and that my own desire for originality has faded into a rote daily chore or normalcy, simply because of laziness.

- Watching the air trail of the previous airplanes that have just passed by this route, I suppose that I feel unoriginal. (Maybe it could just be that we’ve passed by most of the sierra Madre and are about to pass into the Great Plains.) All that vast flatness. How could that inspire any striking images, other than its lack thereof of topography? (God I sound full of myself don’t I) In comparison to the rest of the nation…so blank but I suppose in the same vein absolutely ripe for more…the unoriginality idea…what do I have to say that has not already been said by someone more eloquent and talented? I suppose being haunted by my father’s ghost, and his terrible failures I have a right to be skeptical of my abilities to surpass him. Possibly it could be my mother’s ill health, and her constant stories of “almost” discovery. I’ve been let down too often not to expect that I cannot be all things to anyone other than myself.

But at the same time isn’t it acceptable to believe in your own abilities? I know that I’m not a fool. That it’s not easy to make anything of yourself in a modern world crushed by people who are talented and determined. More determined and lucky than me. Truthfully I don’t think that I am so much more different than others in their desire for acceptance and reward?

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

HAHAHAHA although I've seen this before. It's still funny.

and then there's the you are my friend website...Dramatic drum rolls and creshendo's and all
Man Sentenced for 'Burning Bush' Comment
By Associated Press
December 6, 2002, 2:37 PM EST
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. -- A man who made a remark about a "burning Bush" during the president's March 2001 trip to Sioux Falls was sentenced Friday to 37 months in prison.

Richard Humphreys, of Portland, Ore., was convicted in September of threatening to kill or harm the president and said he plans to appeal. He has said the comment was a prophecy protected under his right to free speech.

Humphreys said he got into a barroom discussion in nearby Watertown with a truck driver. A bartender who overheard the conversation realized the president was to visit Sioux Falls the next day and told police Humphreys talked about a "burning Bush" and the possibility of someone pouring a flammable liquid on Bush and lighting it.

"I said God might speak to the world through a burning Bush," Humphreys testified during his trial. "I had said that before and I thought it was funny."
Copyright © 2002, The Associated Press

*courtesy of Free Pie and

Monday, December 09, 2002

Okay have done some updates for all you travel seekers, i mean stalkers, who are desperately trying to find me. I've posted wayyyyy too much information for you on my *Other* page.

OK? ok. goodnight.

Thursday, December 05, 2002

OKay, Travel has its way with me yet again.
1. I must mention that I normally love the southwest, (As I can be considered almost part of it.)
2. Arizona is a lovely state, geographically and topographically
3. Phoenix is hell.

Not to be unfair to those friends of mine who do live there, I will admit to having a cold and that my reasons for visiting Phoenix were not for pleasure. Had they been, I might most assuredly had a better time. However I was in the said "hell" for business and as such that means that my abilities to live it up are limited to what I can eek out of my time after 8 + hours in a glass and steel monolith. Needless to say...I was indoors and suffered at the hands of modern science. *read as: I hate Air Conditioning Aside from that Phoenix (which I do regard as a lovely town) looked more and more like the "Pure Hell Hole" that is Los Angeles. Smog and Heat only functioning to provide stunning sunsets which blaze across the setting sky.

All that said..the trip went well. I now have a head cold and skin cancer.*

just joking 'bout the skin don't crack. and thankfully rarely burns.

Sunday, December 01, 2002

I was good and bought NOTHING what about you?