Thursday, June 02, 2011

Returning to work, with baby in daycare.

Its an odd thing to think in this modern day that I am asked to make a choice. Be a "Stay-at-home-mom", or be a "working-mom." Truthfully to me, both seem like ironies. I am a mom. No matter where I am or what I do, I am someone's mother. But I am being asked to align myself with a choice.

I feel the guilt. I know it deep in my bones about leaving my child with a virtual stranger in the hopes that they will care for my young love in the same way that I would. I hurt when she cries in the mornings when I leave her, and I am near breakdown in the evenings if I am minutes late to see her. I cherish the few precious moments that we have before she sleeps at night and I find myself near tears if I don't get to kiss her goodnight. Does that stop me from leaving each day, not yet. The nightmares are there (and I do have them) about what happens when I can't care for my child, but they aren't yet pungent enough to stop me from wanting to be an adult and live in an adult world.

Besides its too early to say if this will even hold. Its only been day 5 of my new job, post baby. I need to let this marinate more before I get too deep in the psychological aspects of being a 'working-mom.'

1 comment:

rsingh said...

I completely understand. This is why I hired a nanny. It's been expensive but I leave my house feeling a little less guilty knowing that there is one person who gets paid to watch my kids. A big portion of my salary goes to pay her but in the end I feel it is worth it. My kids come home to home cooked meals, they get to sleep in and when they are sick I don't have to skip work.