holidays

holi-days.

it meant something once. not so sure about it now. It's beginning to feel more and more like "come-spend-your-money" days.

I guess that I'm reminiscing about what it was like when I was a kid. It was magical - okay not really magical - but it make me think of a time when I thought that it was possible for my desires to come true. (Besides - most 5 year old desires are easy to meet.)

One thing that I remember that makes me smile inside a little - I used to sneak out of bed late at night and I'd tip-toe up to the Christmas tree. Praying that the squeaky floor wouldn't give me away. The tree was all adorned with lights and colors - and towered over me. I remember standing there gaping at how tall it was and how really awesome it felt. I thought that it was the prettiest thing that I'd ever seen.

then... and this is the one thing that I never understood... i had the compulsion to pray.

really.

I'd kneel down on my knees- just like those Rockwell-ian images - in my jammies, and I'd pray. Pray not really for things - but really whispered hopes. I'd pray that I'd grow up big and be happy and that boys would like me, but really I remember praying that things would be better. That life would be simple and that all my family and friends would be okay in the coming year.

I truly thought that it was possible for this magical (albeit dead) tree to grant peace and keep a watchful eye over me, my family and friends. And actually expected for my wishes to come true.

Now I'm older, but strangely I still yearn for that same compulsion to pray for peace. Pray for guidance and pray for a fruitful and happy year ahead. I mean that is what this time of year is for anyway. The earth is hibernating with the expectation that in the season to come all will grow and be good.

So my holiday will be spent quietly praying for all my friends and family. For all those strangers I don't know, and finally for the wish that I could be young at heart for as long as I can hold on to it.

That'd be an awesome gift.


love,
ME!