hum drum

its now just a matter of waiting.

I'm not exactly sure when this happened. I spend my days waiting for the clock to move just that much faster. When I don't wait for the clock I am waiting for other people. But its not like I'm doing anything earth shattering, nor interesting. What I do effects no one, and nothing. So I sit and I wait.

I don't even know what I am waiting for. Part of me thinks that maybe I'm waiting for something to happen. Like get fired. or fly off the handle and strangle my boss till she's blue in the face. Something.

Sure I go to work, and I sit in my cubical. I do the keyboard tapdance all day in hopes that if I do it long enough I look like I'm doing something. But really I'm finding out that whatever I have done really isn't what needs to be done, so then the people above me throw downcast looks and then simply take the work away from me. I don't know what's going on.

Instead I wait. not so patiently, but I still wait.

I wait to be told when and how to wipe my own ass, then I do it, only to be told I did it wrong. I ask for clarification, guidance, only to be told that I should already know how to. I try and protest, claiming that I thought I did - but I'm obviously not doing it to the specifications that are desireable, just to be shot down once more with the retort that I "should" know.

Fuck this. I'm looking for new work elsewhere. I've already applied for an upgrade....a better job has got to be something, no?