I just re-read that last entry. How positively pitful. I really can write...I know I can. I can prove that I can string together a coherent sentence...honestly, I can. I only feel bad about it because I know that the last entry was some time between complete breakdown and absolute pass-out. I am unused to the stresses of the strange diad that I'm going through. No, I'm lying...it's more than a seperation of student self and work self. I feel disconnected to "me" in the actual "me" sense of the word.
make sense? good. It doesn't to "me" or me either.
I suppose that this train of thought came up because I'm seeing this strange deliberate manifestation of adulthood come over me and my friends. Its something that I've been unable to deal with simply because I've had the luxury of saying "I'm recovering" or "I'm out of work" or "I'm in school" I've used so many excuses lately that I think that I'm running on repeat. Regardless its happening. And lately it feels like it's been picking up speed. Another engagement, a new baby, another wedding. I had just gotten used to the "I've finally got a steady...(enter sex appropriate reference)" and the 9-5 stuff. Now the actual business of being an adult, dealing with death, car insurance, life insurance and "planning for a future" have become a recurrent theme in the day-to-day.
Now don't get me wrong. This is not a Bad thing per se. It's just odd 'cause I never expected this to happen. Do you remember when you were say like 8 years old and the concept of being 28 to 30-ish was about as fantastic as flying cars? I do. For some insane reason I could never see myself older than 25. Now that 25 has come and gone, I'm wondering really what that little 8 year old saw in me. I wonder if she'd be happy with the result? Or if she'd still be as confused about being herself as she is to this day. I should stop harping on this same thread of "oh poor confused mulatto girl." but its been such a good line for me for so long.
Anyway. The point. The reason why I decided I needed to update the entries. 1. to apologize severly for that poor example of writing. 2. to explain taht I am not a flake and 3. to say i saw my friends in confusion and combat Dave & Allison today IN the Carnivale parade. ( I looked through my pictures, and I got a great shot of Allison's booty.)
Yay for Latin co-option of Catholic traditions!