In this pre-Christmas, post-Thanksgiving slump, I find that I really have be half-assing everything that would normally take in my entire attention. Especially those things that I love to do. Writing letters, reading good books, being social and generally being a smart-ass.
I find that I am rushing around doing everything cock-eyed in an attempt to just have it done. You know that feeling...that exhausted but overslept idea that you really need to stop and do something else. What that something is I haven’t the damndest clue, but its that gnawing feeling at the base of your gut that makes you want to run away. or run screaming through a building with your hair wild, teeth bared and throwing feces as you pass people by. (stay with me here...)
Its this inter-holiday madness that causes that strange feeling somewhere between 'blah' and 'keep going or you're gonna crash.' I most certainly not a wintry person, at least not in my adult years. Winter was one of those times when we used to love being outside and doing nothing BUT being outside. I would have to be dragged in, against my will, with cold blue fingers and a rosy nose; Cold to the bone but couldn't be happier. I'd sit by the fire and warm my numbed toes and hold my cold and bruised bottom to the flame.
Now? now I'm in a mad rush to do anything but be here. Do anything OTHER than what my responsibilities require of me. Is it that end of year crush that makes me this way? because really there is no rainbow on the other side of 12/31/04. In fact I can be pretty certain that there will most likely be either a bed, or a toilet or both. Really not a whole lot to look forward to, if you ask me. But I am most certainly going to blame some one else, (actually anyone else) for whatever goes wrong for 2005.
there were bets. I've lost most of them, but I'm still betting that I'll be here. I like getting my paycheck at the 15th and the 30th. It allows me to keep up on the sarcasm and the avoidance at work. It also keeps me poorly dressed, and interminably depressed.