Friday, January 31, 2003

This is the deal. I have no deal. Lately it is oddly quiet. I find that I am listlessly floating about my days. This is an odd sense of.... mediocrity? I've never been here before and this is something that I am not used to. I have a day-to-day which is everything but day to day, yet I've managed to do nothing interesting. This is not my passion, this is NOT my bliss, but I have no concept of what my bliss could be. I'm lazy and I've extremely high expectations of myself yet I don't have the drive to follow through with any of the ideas that I have swirling around in my head.
-"i want to write the next great american novel'
-"i want to compose the next soul-searching pop hit"
-"i want to become a world famous singer/songwriter, and still have credibility for authenticity"
-"i want ....." I don't have a clue of what I want. All I really know is that I don't want what i've got to the same degree that I know that I deserve more than what I have. But in the same breath I know that whatever I get as a result of ditching what I have will mean that I might regret it.

- I shouldn't live with regret. But so far I regret nothing...and I'm doing okay. does that mean that I'm narcissistic? or just stupid?

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