hum drum

its now just a matter of waiting.

I'm not exactly sure when this happened. I spend my days waiting for the clock to move just that much faster. When I don't wait for the clock I am waiting for other people. But its not like I'm doing anything earth shattering, nor interesting. What I do effects no one, and nothing. So I sit and I wait.

I don't even know what I am waiting for. Part of me thinks that maybe I'm waiting for something to happen. Like get fired. or fly off the handle and strangle my boss till she's blue in the face. Something.

Sure I go to work, and I sit in my cubical. I do the keyboard tapdance all day in hopes that if I do it long enough I look like I'm doing something. But really I'm finding out that whatever I have done really isn't what needs to be done, so then the people above me throw downcast looks and then simply take the work away from me. I don't know what's going on.

Instead I wait. not so patiently, but I still wait.

I wait to be told when and how to wipe my own ass, then I do it, only to be told I did it wrong. I ask for clarification, guidance, only to be told that I should already know how to. I try and protest, claiming that I thought I did - but I'm obviously not doing it to the specifications that are desireable, just to be shot down once more with the retort that I "should" know.

Fuck this. I'm looking for new work elsewhere. I've already applied for an upgrade....a better job has got to be something, no?

James Brown - RIP 1933 to 2006

from the AP wire:

Brown was hospitalized with pneumonia at Emory Crawford Long Hospital on Sunday and died around 1:45 a.m. Monday.

I, for one of millions, will never forget the Godfather of Soul. His music had the power to heal, make people rise up, and bring conciousness to so many generations. Without his influence music to today would never be a great as his weakest attempt.

He will be greatly missed.

why am I working on christmas?

seriously.

this sucks. Nevermind that I don't get paid for OT. I'm fuckin salaried for crying out loud. I was fucking hood-winked. "we'll never make you work for more than 40 hours a week." bull shit. I've clocked on average for the past 4 moths: around 65 hours a week.

if i didn't like money I'd fucking quit. That and I kind of want to see this project through to the end...even though it's probably going to go down in horrible flames simply because it's an unreasonable delivery time for a project of its size. Nevermind the fact that there are only 3 designers working on this that would otherwise take a team of about 8 highly skilled flash developers to do it. Not overly educated PhD's and MA's sitting around attempting to build it. That and the time schedule is unreasonable. 3 months to deliver something that any design shop would tell you would take 6 months to do properly. This is going to end horribly... hopefully not in my quick dismissal from this company.

Although I did pack my stuff up on friday, just in case. I'm not taking any chances. I've been spit out too many times to not know any better.

holidays

holi-days.

it meant something once. not so sure about it now. It's beginning to feel more and more like "come-spend-your-money" days.

I guess that I'm reminiscing about what it was like when I was a kid. It was magical - okay not really magical - but it make me think of a time when I thought that it was possible for my desires to come true. (Besides - most 5 year old desires are easy to meet.)

One thing that I remember that makes me smile inside a little - I used to sneak out of bed late at night and I'd tip-toe up to the Christmas tree. Praying that the squeaky floor wouldn't give me away. The tree was all adorned with lights and colors - and towered over me. I remember standing there gaping at how tall it was and how really awesome it felt. I thought that it was the prettiest thing that I'd ever seen.

then... and this is the one thing that I never understood... i had the compulsion to pray.

really.

I'd kneel down on my knees- just like those Rockwell-ian images - in my jammies, and I'd pray. Pray not really for things - but really whispered hopes. I'd pray that I'd grow up big and be happy and that boys would like me, but really I remember praying that things would be better. That life would be simple and that all my family and friends would be okay in the coming year.

I truly thought that it was possible for this magical (albeit dead) tree to grant peace and keep a watchful eye over me, my family and friends. And actually expected for my wishes to come true.

Now I'm older, but strangely I still yearn for that same compulsion to pray for peace. Pray for guidance and pray for a fruitful and happy year ahead. I mean that is what this time of year is for anyway. The earth is hibernating with the expectation that in the season to come all will grow and be good.

So my holiday will be spent quietly praying for all my friends and family. For all those strangers I don't know, and finally for the wish that I could be young at heart for as long as I can hold on to it.

That'd be an awesome gift.


love,
ME!

explain to me how this makes sense

Your boss e-mails you to tell you that the e-mail service is down.



Think about that for a minute.


How does this make any sense? On what planet would this seem to work? And then giggle to yourself because it actually did happen...to my boyfriend, this morning. His boss is just *that-much* closer to the nut house.

Ah - how I love the holidays

new toys and Turkey hangovers

okay so it's been a while and I apologize I have been no other excuse is other than the truth. I have a brand-new toy now, Dragon NaturallySpeaking 9 and of course I am using this as an opportunity to play with it and test it out. it's working pretty good so far and truthfully it would be nice if I could get it to work with everything I use on a regular basis.

now as for productivity lord only knows. It may actually be worse for me simply because it allows my mind wander while I'm trying to get my thoughts in order which is of course never is easy as you think. it is until you suddenly are given the liberties to do whatever you want with your hands instead of focusing on typing. maybe doing the keyboard tap dance it may not always be bad.

anyway, back to real deal. Yesterday was turkey day, and I'm hoping that you like I, stuffed ourselves silly. I'm lying because I was good and did not proceed to eat my weight in food, at least not at the dinner table. so therefore doesn't really count as stuffing myself and I don't care what you say that's the truth I'm sticking to.

I took my mother to my boyfriend's family's home before the meal, and it seemed like everything was okay. I'm not certain however simply because there is the possibility that my mother felt some awkwardness at being the only white woman at the meal. It's a new experience for her as it is always been the opposite for me being the only biracial girl that most appeals. She was quite quiet, in fact much quieter than I have ever seen her. However, that may just be simply because my boyfriend's family are quite talkative. I'm going to chalk it up to nervousness. In which case that makes the evening even more delicious simply for the nerve factor.

I only hope they were impressed with my abilities to talk smack with the rest of them. Remember I am still a white girl at heart and I'm learning.

So much for keeping it real.



You stay well and healthy don't forget to jog off those extra 5 pounds that you gained yesterday I hope to hear from everyone ,when they get the chance. you can use the comments or you can e-mail me as I do check my mail. Not regularly, when it's only necessary. much love from the left Coast

but are you really counting?

RIP Ed Bradley

I know - it is a terrible loss, and I am a day late... but it's well documented. I will refer to the many blogs/newscasts regarding Mr. Bradley's work:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_Bradley
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/11/09/national/main2165871.shtml
http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/11/09/obit.bradley/index.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/09/AR2006110900820.html

Ok, ok - everyone knows the news

or maybe you didn't. Aside from this being one of the more happier years that I've had in 12... I think I might actually be in love with germany now.

Posted Friday, Nov. 10, 2006

Just days after his resignation, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld is about to face more repercussions for his involvement in the troubled wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. New legal documents, to be filed next week with Germany's top prosecutor, will seek a criminal investigation and prosecution of Rumsfeld, along with Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, former CIA director George Tenet and other senior U.S. civilian and military officers, for their alleged roles in abuses committed at Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison and at the U.S. detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Whether or not this actually comes to fruition, I think I'm going to have to find a german and shake his/her hand for coming to our rescue. Oh... happy days are here again!!!!

I have to stay optimistic.

OH MY GOD!!!! - my most favoritest part of oktober

About 3 years ago a friend invited me to Oktoberfest in Mt Tam... I went 'cause I thought it might be fun - nature and beer normally go so well together.

I had a blast and have ever since been trying to get back to that festival. It is rarely publisized (meaning you have to be in-to get in) nor talked about outside of given circles...I came across this by accident.

Address: 3115 Butters Drive, Oakland 94602. Phone: (510) 531-2930.
Directions: From Hwy 13 Exit Joaquin Miller Rd., take that road about 1/4 mile up the hill, turn Right on Butters & go about 1/2 mile. Look for a small sign and a steep downhill driveway on the right side, taking you to their parking area. A huge outdoor dance floor is on the left, and the clubhouse is on the right. The dance floor has an incredible view of Oakland, San Francisco, the Bay and the Peninsula. Not as much shade on this dance floor, so wear a good sun hat.

The Date:
Oktoberfest II - Oct 1 - Johnny Krische Band


The fest is 1-6 p.m. Admission around $10.

I would suggest that you come with...It's going to be awesome. Good beer, good food and friendly people.

4 year anniversary

I just realized...this blog will be turning 4 soon. Damn. who knew I could keep this up for this long.

Work drama!

Updates? nothing big, but its everything to do with the fact that I haven't worked at a large company...ever. So all of this, everyday of this, is new to me. Now whether or not this is good - has yet to be determined. Regardless I am beginning to see that what it does mean is that I am going to have to learn how to fight my way out of the muck and find a nice little spot on a rock above it all.

How long that will take? I'm not sure. Regardless I'm going to have to get on it. I need to find that little place of isolation where the rest of this can't reach me. Now I don't actually think that this will or even could happen. I'm not that stupid.

Anyway.. week 4 and still am feeling completely clueless and haven't got a firm grip on the reality that is quickly forming around me. and Bam!! thrust into it. I'm doing slip-shod work 'cause I have no guidance and an overwhelming sense that something...anything needs to simply be produced. (which in the end isn't great.)

The Background:
Day one - walk through the door... and get the preverbial "hot potato." My boss wants me to re-work a program and deliver it in two weeks. I say okay, not even having sat down at my computer to establish what my freakin login is. When I do get the chance to sit down and take a look at this "thing" that she wants me to rework...there is no way on gods green earth that it can be done. I have no superpowers. (boy I wish I did though...probably the ability to stop time... that always seemed cool...)

I get a new estimate for my boss cobbled together...but this is based on the prospect that I have at least 3 other people helping me out on this. I set the date for the end of September. I get to work trying to find out who can help me. nobody bites. Now everyone is very helpful in offering they "assistance" but I find that this translates to, "I will tell you what I could do If I was re-creating this, but I cant actually help you do anything." SO I'm going it on my own. I think that I can actually do it, so I break my back and work for nearly 3 weeks straight...bringing work home every evening and in many cases waking up early to get to work by 6:30 am.

I send out the best alpha versions of the program that I can slap-dash together in about 5 days and no tools. (they can't install the software I need to develop this crappy program because of some beauracratic bullshit number was placed in the wrong field...)

I ask for feedback... I say two days (since it's just a review...real quick , I think) 8 days later I get the feedback I need. I now have to adjust my schedule because of this time warp that everyone else was in (8 days = 2 days) and then proceed to update my boss on the situation. I kow-tow as best I can and explain to the best of my abilities that "I was too agressive with my timelines." Cross my fingers and press the send button. Two minutes later I get a phone call...

long story short... the e-mail got circulated all the way up to the director of the department. Now Instead of a simple time adjustment I'm seen as gumming up the works...when in fact it was never me to begin with.

I'm coping with it. I'm passing the buck as best I can...but it still sucks. "It's only my fourth week" i keep having to remind myself. But thats beginnging to sound like a simpering whiney reply to "get to work."

christ.

I only hope that it doesn't stay this way.

simply lovely....and truly mesmorizing

I love the ZeFrank

the show with zefrank

Week 1 Of work:

my ass is numb.

my brain is full

my feet are swolen

I like money, but I think I hate work...

globeandmail.com : 'A basic rule of punctuation'

A good reminder of where you don't want to splice your sentences:

Read the following and think hard about what it means:

Page 7 of the contract states: The agreement “shall continue in force for a period of five years from the date it is made, and thereafter for successive five year terms, unless and until terminated by one year prior notice in writing by either party.”

Now read the article... you can see how this makes me feel so bad and soooo good for all the right reasons!

Star Trek Inspirational Posters

Genius. Pure. Fucking. Genius!

YouTube - OK Go - Here It Goes Again

What can't you love about this video? I ask you>?

Cornrows to a job interview?

I got my hair done up yesterday, and as luck would have it I got a call today from the Gap corporation asking me for an interview on Monday. The job is within the corporate offices in downtown San Francisco.This is a white collar job and I had a question of the blogosphere.

Okay, so I know that I'm not supposed to work for the Gap. They are evil. They are multinational hell. Most important they are whitebread. As whitey-white bread milk-toast-ish as they can be. And that is not me. Never has been, never will be.

However...One very important point I need to make. I am unemployed. Been unemployed now for nearly 8 months. That said, I like money. Not that I am saying that I couldn't live without it, but lets be honest. Money does make things a whole heck of alot easier. That and I could really use some. Not a whole lot, just enough on a regular basis. What I am basically trying to say is that in the end, principles, morals and pride have very little bearing on your professional and fiscal future.

Now that I have made my point,What I am trying to say...in so many words, should I take out my cornrows, a mere 4 days after having them put in for a face-to-face interview?

Okay, So I know that the next question you'll probably ask... well if you're out of work why in the hell did you get your hair done like that if you knew you were interviewing!?!?!
I'll accept that it seems like a frivilous thing to spend money on when you don't have work. Honestly? The money was a present. Plus, going to the hair salon was something I could do for myself. And I haven't done for myself in nearly 8 or 9 months since I quit my job to finish school. I think that I am allowed one or two frivilous items, considering that I haven't been shopping or bought many different odd and random things for myself in that time.

So now that I've answered that burning question, In your comment please state:
1. Yes - (take out cornrows) or No - (leave them in)
2. Your reason why. (breif... about 5 sentences or less...)

If you have any other questions, I'll be happy to answer them.

Just so you know, normally when I go to interviews I would pull my hair back into a bun(as it can sometimes be unruly) and wear nerdy/smart - looking glasses.

I'm just looking for some input. I figured that the blogosphere might have some good info.

Thanks!

>>Update: I ended up taking them down, anyway. so oh-well.

negligent in my blogger duities

Nothing to explain. Simply that I am lazy. (seems to be the standard explination lately)

You know when you have too much time and nothing gets done? exactly. I knew you knew me well.

Regardless, I finished school. Graduated. Offically. I am a mistress now. a professional mistress.
Unfortunately this means that I actually have to go and get a job. No more hiding out in school. Although the prospect of staying in school forever makes some sense. No? Nevertheless I have to learn how to take the psychological abuse of rejection that the working world seems to enjoy dolling out to me.

News: Mom got a new knee, and a new attitude adjustment. She's now a full fleged weenie. (not just a half...) and I am being the good daughter and calling her names and generally making her hate me. (ohh fun!)

I am still unemployed, but hopeful that my current economic state will not interefere in my lifelong desire to get a regular paycheck for investigating my navel. Maybe I'll become a writer.

No new political statements for inflaming the public, nor enticting riot. Although I haven't really been anything more than the apathetic middle class american who has been wooed by reality tv and ansetized by pop-cultre and the newest esteem shredding fashion trend.

ah. such is life. so indulgent.

Lay, Skilling convicted in Enron collapse - Yahoo! News

Lay, Skilling convicted in Enron collapse

i am SO happy I am doing a little dance. FELONS!!! i hope that they send them to pellican bay. or san quentin.

But I know they wont. It would still be nice... a girl can dream. Ahhhh..... Ken Lay would have to be some big burly bald man's bitch.

oohh... that makes me happy...

>>Update: 7/11/06 - Are you thinking what I am thinking? This seems a little convienent, doesnt it? And it doesn't hurt that the timing of his death vacates the Guilty verdict....hmmmm.... I bet he shows up in Argentina in a few years.

monzy.com » Bust a Nut

monzy.com » Bust a Nut

I didn't want to believe that it was true. That a food company would be soooo phenomenally stupid to put something like this out there... Until it was found for me...

I thought that it was crazy too. Who would put an ad campagin out with "bust a nut" as the tag line.


cornNuts did.

and they knew what they were doing....look at these lyrics:

Go to your room and lock the door,
‘Cause when you try it once you’ll wanna try it some more!
Size doesn’t matter and that’s a fact,
It might be small, but it’s a big impact! Bust a nut! Bust a nut!
Grab a bag of Corn Nuts™ and bust a nut!
They’re lightly toasted and hard as well,
Enjoy yourself, we won’t tell… Everybody does it, they like it a lot,
You can do it at school , just don’t get caught!
It takes a few minutes, if you don’t delay;
Take your time and make it last all day!

oh damn.

Current TV // Google Current - Venetian: Conor // Cantaloupe

Current TV // Google Current - Venetian: Conor // Cantaloupe

even more Colbert --- ahhhh.... bask in it... the glow....

Crooks and Liars

Oh How irony and snark have become the means of communication.

Is news-speak really the means by which we must create the subterfuge to the truth.

Crooks and Liars - Colbert Does the White House Correspondents' dinner

Colbert, who spoke in the guise of his talk show character, who ostensibly supports the president strongly, urged Bush to ignore his low approval ratings, saying they were based on reality, “and reality has a well-known liberal bias.”

He attacked those in the press who claim that the shake-up at the White House was merely re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. “This administration is soaring, not sinking,” he said. “If anything, they are re-arranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.”

From Editor & Publisher

Oh. How . Lovely. Makes me sigh. From fear, and from joy.

State of the Blogosphere, and the singularity principle

There was a recent meeting that I went to for the AERA (American Education Reasearch Association) where I was introducted to Mr. JayCross and his ideology of INformal learning (informL.com)

what it brought me to was a new perspective of the rapid pace at whcih we are actualy acquiring new knowledge. Not through a means of actual storage within our own minds, but a new way to access that information.

Regardless this broughtme to somethin ele. Ray Kurzweil: and his website http://www.kurzweilai.net/
it got me interested even more in the singularity summit...what I am trying to say is that I knew this was coming, it has been something that I have known about for some time... the singularity event. That time in our biological history when we reach that event horizon and the pass throught it. Now I'm not sure if this is somehitng that is going to happen in an effortless manner, but it is something that is coming (unavoidably).

As evidence State of the Blogosphere, On Blogosphere Growth
Just take a look at how the parabolic growth of the blogosphere has been growing... christ to think that I am supposed to be an old hand at this having started back in 2002... that's what scares me... I'm old school... old news, and yet I'm supposed to be on the bleeding edge of all of this... truly there are some times when it begins to feel like a little much.

today is one of those days.

I did it...I'm so proud of my work

After nearly 2 and half weeks of development from scratch, I was able to finally create an online portfolio. I don't have any clue as to hwo effective it will be, but take a look, and tell me what you think.

Kira's Online Portfolio. I'm pretty proud of the fact that I built this in flash, and was able to add all of the simple animations. Its nothing like some of the other stuff that I've seen, but It'll prove its point when it's necessary...I hope

geeze is this what pride feels like? I wouldn't really know ;)

HE LOOKS LIKE.... The Morbid Game of Psychoanalyzing Strangers in Pictures

HE LOOKS LIKE.... The Morbid Game of Psychoanalyzing Strangers in Pictures

I laughed, I cried, I even peed a little.


(when you read lynard Skynard you'll understand)

Bring back that loooooovin feeling

An article that a friend wrote about the alarming rate of growth that is happening on a daily basis on the internet.

Its one of those things that we all take for granted. That things are going to keep moving, that the perpetual machine that is the internet, and its organic nature, is not only desireable but necessary. Now I'm not arguing that it isn't. In fact I believe that we are reaching a critical mass, where the amount of bullshit and the amount to information cannot move on as they have reached a nexus. (hence web2.0)

But is this viral growth really a good thing? It's called viral for a reason, for it's unfortunate and uncontrollable nature. If you actually compare the amount to bullshit that you read on a daily basis and the actual amount of quality work you read or perform... its kinda sad.
Does this mean that we are what we consume? Really? cause if so I think that most of us should be full-up with porn by now.

then again, maybe not!

I have reaquainted myself with my fast

I soooo hate myself for loving this commercial, IF i didn't already own a VW golf myself, and completely understood this from a feminine perspective....

sometimes...

...Update: You can't really purchase a "fast" icon. You can only get one when you buy a new VW. Or you can take your chances with trying to buy one off of e-bay. They are auctioning off at around $250...

....PPS Update: you can learn more from Project Fast. (VW's commercial site about makingFriendsWithYourFast)

Punxsutawney Phil

so... according to an overgrown hamster we are going to have to suffer through 6 more weeks of cold and dismal weather.

yay.

see my joy?

Honestly who came up with this idea? Some seriously whacked out white people stand out in the cold, stick they're hands into the burrough of a rather large burowwing animal with long sharp teeth, yank him out and then hold him aloft of their heads declaring "Winter for 6 more weeks!!" or "No More Winter!! Yay!"

Doesn't make sense to me. But then again, there is little that I do out of habit that really makes sense to me anymore.

baaaaadddd habits...

okay...
so now that I'm merely waiting until I go back to school, I find that what tends to happen is that I get really, really bored. SO when I get bored, I go into the kitchen. And when I go into the kitchen, I find something to do. and that something to do normally includes food.

the strange part is that it seems to include alot of baking . So, really not such a hot thing. Nor is it all that good since my mother seems to think that it's a really great idea to give me all of her Food and Wine magazines. The most recent one that she gave me was the chocolate issue.

damn her....I know that she does it because I've been baking all of these lovely sweet and tasty treats, but all in all...damn her. She's hooked me line and sinker. I mean just look at that. I certianly can't say no to such a lovely chocolatly-peanut-buttery-gooey filled confectio/cake? can you? [and if you can - you're lying to yourself]

anyway... the point. 'twas my birthday yesterday, so I took stock (if only breifly) to determine what in the hell is actually going on.

• Me: 29. Female. 5'10.5" (1.77 meters) weight...decline to state but embarrasing all the same
• Location: same as ever (christ...even in the freakin room that I was nursed in....this can't be good)
• Prospects: not really looking, and not even sure of what prospects I should be looking for.
• Relationships: many, and all still fruitful, insightfull, friendly and happy. ( i hope)
• Hobbies: Cooking, eating, sharing my baked goods...uh...waiting for world peace to break out.
• Reverse Obit written?: nope. Don't like to think about it... too morbid.
• Life's goal?: uh... well this one is a tough one. Because at first I thought that it was going to be grow up to be a astronaut. ( I was 5) then it changed into being a world famous actress... (I was 13) then it changed into a succesful Lawyer (I was 19) now... well now I'm not even sure If its a good idea to have a life's goal in terms of a professional carrer. So I'm going to word that last question..... shitty one anyway.
• Number of Life's "must-do" items checked off: uh... I think about 5 or 6 of them. Actually I make up the list as I go. I still think getting to meet Archbishop Desmond Tutu still ranks higest and that one was a complete chance accident.

So when I look back at the previous years, most of it results in alot of wistful memories of when I was somewhere with someone doing something I probably should know better than to be doing, (at least in public.) Which when you take account of it shouldn't be all that bad. Actually I'm very proud of what I've almost accomplished and what I have been able to do.

This was going to be a long and drawn out sob-fest...poor me, nearly 30 and still going nowhere with nothing to show. But I actually do have alot to show for, the only difference is that now I have a tad more perspective than I did have approximately a year ago. I'm thankful for the chance to sit on my ass now, although I know I'm far from being done with not sitting on my ass and really spending more time in my life apologizing for being an ass (and most likely in public.) And as a "prospect" per-se, that doesn't seem so bad.


Because they're only called "Bad Habits" if someone else didn't get jealous while you were caught doing it.